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The rates of sex and marriage — especially among young adults — have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no …
Transcript
I’m Dr Orion taraban and this is psychack’s Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today’s short talk is most people don’t really want relationships most people this means men and women most people do not really want relationships and as we’ll see this will go far toward explaining why both sex and relationships are at historically all-time lows especially in younger heterosexual populations fewer young people than ever before are having sex and fewer young people than ever before are entering into relationships why might this be the case well as I said this is because most people don’t really want a relationship remember relationships are the medium in which value is transacted if you already possess the proposed value or if you can obtain it more easily or more cheaply or more safely elsewhere there is no need to enter into the transaction look at it like this no one really wants a job they want a job because of what a job can give them namely money If people could get what they wanted money more easily more cheaply or more safely elsewhere than they probably wouldn’t go looking for a job but for the vast majority of people a job is the only way they know to get money so they go looking for a job that said they don’t really want the job they want the money and if they had the money they wouldn’t go looking for the job okay so the same basic premise holds true with respect to heterosexual relationships especially in today’s day and age most people don’t really want a relationship they want what the relationship can give them and if they can get those things more easily more cheaply or more safely elsewhere than then we would expect them not to enter into relationships as frequently so what do men and women want from relationships well they want all kinds of things but in general men are trading resources that is time energy attention and money for sexual opportunity and women are trading sexual opportunity for resources time attention energy and money if either sex could more easily more cheaply and more safely get what they wanted in places besides relationships we should predictably see the number of relationships Decline and that’s exactly what’s happening now there are two major culprits behind this decline in relationships especially in the 20-something demographic pornography and social media and this is very interesting because it’s generally men who have problems with pornography and it’s generally women who have problems with social media this obviously isn’t always the case but it does seem to fall along gendered lines first let’s take a look at men in porn remember what men generally want from relationships is to trade resources for sexual opportunity if they could get sexual opportunity without exchanging resources or exchanging far fewer resources then they are rationally going to move in that direction and that’s exactly what porn offers men porn offers men free immediate and dependable sexual opportunity and this is only going to improve in the coming years with artificial intelligence and virtual reality and rather than transact his one bundle of resources for sexual opportunity from one specific woman he can now transact his one bundle of resources for sexual opportunity from an unlimited number of women on the internet men are not only able to buy sexual opportunities from porn far more cheaply than they would be able to do so from women but given the abundance of rejection and frustration that generally comes from seeking out sexual opportunity from women far more safely as well so if the sexual opportunity that women represent is both expensive and high risk then it’s little wonder that so many men are moving toward the cheap and low risk sexual opportunity that porn represents now you could argue that porn isn’t truly a sexual opportunity it’s just the simulation of sexual opportunity and I would agree with you masturbating with porn is definitely not the same thing as having sex with a woman but it’s apparently enough like the same thing that it’s trapping a lot of men especially because from a certain perspective it’s less risky and less expensive in any case men are foregoing relationships at least in part due to the fact that they can transact sexual opportunity more easily more cheaply and more safely elsewhere so that’s men now before I get into women if you’re liking what you’re hearing please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message because it’s Word of Mouth referrals like this that really cause the channel to grow you can also hit the super thanks button those three little dots in the lower right hand corner and tip me in proportion to the value you believe you’ve received from this episode it’s your donations that make all this happen and I’m very appreciative now what about women well women tend to get trapped by social media because what are women looking for from relationships in exchange for sexual opportunity they’re looking for resources time energy attention and money and women can get these things more easily more cheaply and more safely on Instagram or only fans than they can in relationships so when a woman posts thirst traps on Instagram or sexualized content on only fans she’s actually using technology to leverage her sexual opportunity through mechanical reproduction rather than transact her one sexual opportunity for resources from one specific man she can now transact her one sexual opportunity for resources from an unlimited number of men on the internet using social media a woman is able to get the things she would otherwise transact for in a relationship time energy money and attention more easily more cheaply and more safely however since it’s generally easier for women to extract resources from a man than for men to extract sexual opportunity from a woman not as many women have only fans accounts as men have PornHub accounts that said I would argue that the safer Criterion is more important here than it is with men using sexual opportunity to obtain resources for men is an inherently risky Endeavor for women this is not only because they tend to be smaller and physically weaker but because there is a profound vulnerability in the feminine opening herself up to be penetrated by the masculine so if women can eliminate the risk associated with transacting sexual opportunity for resources in Vivo by digitizing it then you will see a sizable proportion of women move in this direction now again you could argue that social media doesn’t provide true resources the money might be real but the attention is just Anonymous likes and the energy is a mediated surrogate and I would agree with you the validation and connection that comes from social media are definitely not the same things as the validation and connection that come from an actual relationship but apparently it’s enough like the same thing that it’s trapping a lot of women especially because from a certain perspective it’s less risky and less expensive in any case women are foregoing relationships at least in part due to the fact that they can now transact resources more easily more cheaply and more safely elsewhere so what’s the upshot that people are increasingly replacing relationships with simulated relationships that is rather than transact resources for sexual opportunity in actual relationships people are increasingly transacting simulated resources for simulated sexual opportunity in simulated relationships and men and women are inhabiting roles online that mirror their roles in the real life sexual Marketplace it’s fascinating what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you’ve gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening