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you want to know what’s hard about modern dating how much time we got here it’s usually not until the end of your relationship that you get the full picture the clearest perspective of where things went wrong warning signs red flags that were staring out right in front of the face we missed because we were so caught up in the passion you might even think to yourself if I only knew this about this person from day one I could have saved so much time energy money lots of money you guys seen the price for dinner for two lately inflations no joke so that’s why in today’s video we’re going over seven relationship red flags you should never ignore quick note these are my personal standard I encourage you to make your own list but I think that these are a good jump off point for everyone second I’m talking about committed serious relationships here you’re serious about them they’re serious about you not the texting phase or you know you just met someone off an app from week one you’ll see why with red flag number three why that might be a little too much too soon [Music] I was dating a woman in my early 20s and we kept getting into these out of nowhere big blow-up fights I would ask her where she was coming up with these ideas or thoughts or why she was making this such a big deal after about two or three questions we would trace it back to something one of her friends told her I saw how friends can affect you firsthand so right off the bat if the person you’re dating and gonna get serious with has some sketchy friends that you don’t really like that could be cause for concern there’s a saying birds of feather flock together you might have heard that you are the average of the five people you hang around most that’s not just a good saying it’s true there was a statistic I saw a while ago where if your best friends are overweight or obese you’re like 50 or something more likely to be obese or overweight yourself so if you really get a bad gut feeling about someone’s close circle of friends that might be a sign of how they actually are or behave later down the road because you do become who you hang around I’ll start with saying I believe that everyone deserves a second chance but if the person you’re getting serious with has a history of infidelity or cheating you want to really listen for how they talk about what happened when it comes up anything less than complete full ownership that they messed up their they feel guilty about it they’re sorry it ever happened if they’re justifying poor behaviors with I had to cheat because I wasn’t getting XYZ again that’s justifying toxic Behavior personally I wouldn’t sign up for that [Music] this one is going to be very unpopular my relationship with social media is very odd because I make a living from it I am very public on social media I have a whole brand and a business on it but the data is out and we know how unhealthy it is for the everyday person not only what it does for your dopamine levels and kind of disassociating from life but what it does to your self-esteem and how it sets unrealistic expectations that dictate a lot of your behaviors you want to watch out for someone who’s overly obsessed with social media now I’m not talking here about someone who uses Instagram or Facebook or whatever platform to like stay in touch with the close group of friends keep them updated that’s positive that’s what social media is intended for I’m talking here about someone who’s obsessed with posting things for validation the thing is like happy people aren’t spending time on social media trying to convince everyone they’re happy really rich people aren’t spending hours and hours on social media trying to convince total strength Rangers that they’re rich and they’ve made it and again this is a bit of a hot take so I know some people freak out but let me ask you this would you let your partner be on a dating app if you were dating them you’d be like no that’s of course not no absolutely not you think the celebrities out there use dating apps are on Tinder no they use Instagram that’s how it works they slide in the DM Instagram is sort of replace dating apps in a lot of ways now again this is different if they have a business or a brand on there but if you meet someone and they’re like just overly obsessed with an image and portraying that on social media for a bunch of strangers and they get tons of validation from it in my opinion that’s a red flag bare minimum if they’re not willing to private an Instagram account for you out of the respects in the relationship to me personally it’s a red flag [Music] number four this is track record there’s a saying if it smells like walk away but if everywhere you go smells like check your shoe pay close attention to how they talk about their ex now look I’m not someone in a relationship who says you can never bring up your ex don’t ever say their name like it’s natural if you spend that much time with someone at one point you like them so yeah of course they’re gonna come up every now and then in my opinion not a problem not a red flag what is a red flag is if they go into a bunch of stories about how toxic their ex was or how their ex was a narcissist what’s even a bigger red flag is if they’ve had multiple narcissistic axes toxic X’s the worst exes they were 50 of any relationship they were in now look I do have to say do an artistic people exist absolutely is there abuse in relationships absolutely I’m not talking about that I’m talking about someone where every person they’ve ever dated had something wrong but not them and ironically if everyone you’ve ever dated has the problems but not you that’s narcissism we’re all humans we’re all works in progress we’re not perfect and I think the imperfections is actually what causes us to bond and connect with people [Music] I was reading a book from a famous marriage counselor and he said that this was one of the biggest red flags he sees in couples therapy when people are trying to date an idea of someone and not the person in front of them I call this one the Fixer-Upper where you’re dating someone for their potential and you want to be with them for the potential of what they could be so you overlook a lot of the red flags staring right in front of you there’s a misconception that like problems will go away as soon as you get married to someone I don’t think that’s actually true I think that a lot of the problems you have before the relationship don’t just get solved overnight when you flip a switch and now you’re legally married they still exist when you get in a relationship you have rose-colored glasses on it’s like being drunk literally like drunk on The Passion of the romance and it’s really hard to think objectively you think subjectively through the lens of your emotions your heightened emotions your Peak state that you’re in and that’s why we Overlook a lot of these red Flags in the beginning that were again staring us straight in front of the face but your friends your family the people around you they’re outside the relationship they’re more objective it’s actually easier for them to see what’s going on because they’re not so close and they don’t have the glasses on there’s some great advice out there in self-improvement that says if you keep hearing the same feedback about yourself then it’s probably true on that note I think the same advice applies to relationships you you keep hearing negative feedback or opinions or things from people outside your relationship that you trust and you respect your friends your family people who know you like really well when they meet your partner it might be true I’ve always said that love might fade but values don’t if the person you’re getting serious with and dating they’re not on the same page with things that are really important to you that is a red flag that is going to cause problems down the road that’s not just going to go away on its own for example do they want kids what are your views on kids how do you want to raise kids big important question even things now like politics political beliefs if that’s really important to you what’s considered cheating what are boundaries in your relationship these are all really good questions that you should discuss now yeah you don’t have to agree on every single thing to make a relationship work but the more on paper things you have in common with that person it sure as hell makes it a lot easier it’s not this uphill battle of you trying to change them and them trying to change you like this tug of war match where you’re trying to get them to be more like you and they’re trying to get you to believe what they believe that puts a you versus them frame a right verse wrong so if you’re on the same page with a lot of these core fundamental things man as someone who’s been in relationships where I was and I wasn’t on the same page on paper with someone it is 10 times easier and smoother and better when you are keeping context here the vibe of where you are in the relationship like bringing that stuff up in week one might be a little too extreme too fast too soon but trickle them out over time and try to fish out what their core values are I will say here that the younger you are the more malleable these are so if you’re in your 20s well you spend five ten years with someone eventually you’re gonna start to sync up on a lot more but you have to know what they are so I’d highly recommend you make a list of your core values and your non-negotiables like if you could literally just agree on four things on any area but these four things are like 10 out of 10 important to you what are those and now you know what to look for when you’re dating someone or getting serious in a relationship this one’s probably the most important one and that is does this person bring out the best version of you the highest self or do they kind of feed into the lowest self and hold you back it’ll often show up in little things like do they encourage you to go to the gym or do they encourage you to stay home and Skip Leg Day does she get mad when you make plans with your friends or does she encourage you to go out and be social does he let you be your true self is he inspired when you’re inspired and you’re trying something new and you want to learn a new hobby or you get really passionate about something that you heard and you want to share it with them do they build you up or do they kind of like tear you down and say that stupid are you proud of the man you are around her does she bring out the 2.0 you or do they drag you and keep you in that 1.0 so now you know what to watch out for but what are the green flags what are the good signs that you got a good thing with this person what I’ll do now is link up right here a perfect follow-up to this we’re going over the best pieces of relationship advice no one ever told you thank you so much for watching I’ll see you you in that video …