I’m losing my faith. I’m losing my hope that I’ll find love one day and finally get to be happy. At the beginning on my sophomore year I fell in love (or at least I’ve never liked someone as much as I like her) with this beautiful, stunning, amazing, and utterly awe-striking girl in one of my classes. Then I learned she had a boyfriend and it crushed me but I was determined to be an amazing friend to her anyway.
That was months ago, and over the time my feelings for her have only grown. But so has my sadness. Don’t get me wrong, seeing her happy makes me happy, even if it is with another guy. But, knowing that I’ll never be happy has just cast me into this pit of sadness and loneliness. I tried to get out, but now I’m so tired.
Her and her boyfriend went on a date last Saturday when I was with me and her mutual friend group and it went poorly. She called me in tears (which, selfishly, made me feel important. She chose to call me!).
I don’t know what in the fuck I’m even trying to say here. I’m losing hope that I’ll find love, and I’ve lost the fight to keep on going. And I’m worried for the woman I love. I don’t want her to lose her love. Because I know how impossible it can be to find it.