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the most effective way to cure retroactive jealousy period welcome back to another video my name is matt and i help people overcome retroactive jealousy and in this video i want to give it to you straightforward what i believe is the most effective way to overcome and cure retroactive jealousy period no no bs in the middle no blah blah blah blah blah blah blah that what is it straight up that i would do if i was suffering from rj all over again what are the main three keys that i would do that helped me overcome it the first time and would help me overcome it again if this is something that happened again which thank goodness it has not happened yet but in this video we’re gonna go through those three steps so please take notes along the way and try these out in your own life if you have not done so already i think it’ll be very very powerful and very very effective for you before we get started though if you could take a quick moment and smash the like button because that’ll activate youtube’s algorithm and get this video out to more people that need to see it so i would greatly greatly appreciate it all right without further ado let’s go ahead and get started so the most effective techniques again these are very very effective very powerful so the first thing that’s very very important for you to no longer do if you want to cure resurrective jealousy all right no more compulsions no more compulsive behaviors no more ex thought exploration no more exploring the thoughts uh no more asking questions of your partner no more doing any of that that’s very very crucial and very very important when i first discovered this technique i think it was in a book i was reading that said uh the way to get out of retroactive jealousy is to no longer think about these thoughts anymore like huh so no longer ask questions about your partner’s past anymore i was like huh and the way this was described was the more we do this the more we explore the thoughts the more we keep asking questions the more we ruminate with everything going on in here the more we do the social media stalking the more we do all of this the more we are keeping retroactive jealousy alive the more we are thinking about it and the more we are thinking about it the more we are telling our brain that this is something very important that i have to think about all the time this is something very very dangerous to my life and i have to keep my focus on it at all times and so your brain’s saying okay and so it’s continuing continuing to find things and find other things to be anxious about and to explore the thoughts and dig down and um you know get wrapped up in these in these thoughts and these questions which create more thoughts and more questions and more scenarios and so when i when i first read about this stop doing it stop doing the thought explorations stop doing the pulse behavior stop asking the questions i thought okay i can kind of see you know how this works in a way that hey if i’m not thinking about this all the time our brain is going to start thinking about other things our brain is going to realize okay this is not that important and it’s going to find other things and that’s what overcoming jealousy is all about training our brain that this is not important to think about this is not important to think about yes maybe your partner had a past yes maybe they did this that’s that and the other thing but does that really truly have anything to do with you right now your relationship right now no i’m guessing you want to move forward with your relationship i’m guessing you’re in the same mindset that i was where it’s just like i don’t care what my partner did in the past like i just don’t want to think about it anymore okay i just please i just i need this to stop if that’s the mindset you have this is a big way out every time a thought comes up do not explore that thought okay redirect your thoughts to something else i know that’s easier said than done but this is part of the process it’s what you do cut off that thought as soon as it comes in uh explore makes laura may explore me the thought says no take a breath refocus on something around you refocus on something else refocus on something else you might have to do this a lot because i was getting thoughts every five to ten seconds so literally i was finding so many different things that um i had to focus on like if i was writing something down at work i would switch and start writing that thing down with my left hand i’m right-handed but i would do with my left hand so i’d have to focus like really hard on something else because we’re cutting off the source we’re cutting off the connection to this thought and we’re making sure these are no longer our default thoughts anymore when they’re no longer our default thoughts again we’re not going to think about them and we stop thinking about them guess what we become free there’s no anxiety attached to them and therefore they don’t pop up in our mind anymore no more questions that’s another huge one that’s a compulsive behavior again that only gives us temporary relief and makes us worse and it makes our relationship worse right because now we’re really externalizing our rj we’re really putting it on our partner and now our partner’s feeling it and our partner is like what did i do to you you know what i mean so it’s best to to make the commitment right now that i’m never going to ask a question about my partner’s past ever again ever again wow that’s hard should probably get some people in the comments what do you mean never again yeah just don’t do it ever again okay yeah sure down the line like where i am now like i can ask questions about my partner’s past and it doesn’t affect me but just make the commitment now that you’re not going to ask anymore and then later on down the line when you’re when you really know you’re over it if you’re really curious you can ask but i’m guessing you’re not going to be curious and that’s why i say just don’t ask just don’t ask me more questions okay it doesn’t matter focus on what’s going on here and now in your relationship and that’s building your relationship and that’s making it the best you possibly can you being the best partner to your partner that you possibly can so that would be the first thing no compulsive behaviors no thought exploration feel the feeling of the thought coming in it doesn’t feel good take a breath and refocus take a breath and refocus over and over and over again okay the second thing all right so that is 20 minutes of meditation 20 minutes of meditation in the am in the morning why i think 20 minutes of meditation is is better than 10 or 15 is because it’s really forcing us to sit there for a longer period of time it’s forcing ourselves to take over our brain and take over everything else because right our brain really wants to do things right we need to get up we need to do this we need to do that we need to explore this thought and so when you have 20 minutes where you say no for the next 20 minutes i’m just going to sit here i’m just going to focus on my breathing focus on my breath you start gaining control you start becoming more and more in control of your thoughts of of of your brain of your body of everything so that’s why i say 20 minutes in the morning because when first thing when you wake up in the morning it controls the whole rest of your day so if you wake up in the morning and say i’m doing this even if my brain says no you need to think about this you need to explore this thought you need to ask this question and you say no i’m in control i’m going to sit here i’m going to do 20 minutes of meditation it’s in the morning you start controlling the spirit of your day you start controlling the flow of your day you are more in control of the rest of your day and the thoughts that go inside and why meditation because meditation is the anxiety killer it’s the ocd killer it puts you in the present moment it calms anxiety and again what’s retroactive jealousy what’s going on it’s when we’re not in the present moment it’s when we’re experiencing high anxiety it’s the like anecdote to retroactive jealousy you saw the the new spider-man movie no spoilers but where they’re creating anecdotes for the for the villains and and you know trying to reverse what’s happening to them that’s exactly what this meditation is it’s it’s basically taking care of everything that makes us feel so bad during the rj because it’s going to put us in the present moment and it’s gonna calm anxiety it’s gonna calm our nervous system and so throughout the day if we do get retroactive jealousy thoughts guess what they’re not gonna be as powerful because the anxiety is not there remember it’s not the thought that bothers us it’s our anxious response to the thoughts that bother us and when there’s no more anxious response the thoughts will be gone the thoughts will come and go our brain will find something else to focus on not these thoughts so that’s why meditation in the morning as long as you can do it i’d say 20 minutes that’s what i personally did and it was an absolute lifesaver for me so between not doing compulsive behaviors not exploring the thoughts 20 minutes of meditation every single morning you’re really putting yourself in a good spot and now the final thing that i had to do that i think is super super effective whenever i give this piece of advice out and the people that follow it have incredible results you ready live life as if you’ll have rj forever stop wanting your retroactive jealousy to go away because part of the reason we’re suffering so much is because we want to get over this as quickly as we possibly can but when we want to get over something so quick and we’re waking up every morning saying i still don’t feel good i still don’t feel good i’m still not over it this is horrible this is terrible i’m doing it all wrong something’s wrong maybe it is my partner’s past is a problem maybe it’s not my fault we’re causing more anxiety on top of the anxiety we’re causing retroactive jose’s grip to come over us even further even more so i got in the mindset and this is a very aggressive mindset and i talk a lot on this channel that i take aggressive approaches to overcome rj because rj comes on so aggressively and is very aggressive i’m gonna be aggressive right back to it okay i’m not gonna be all lollygagging around and being so gentle to get over it no i’m going to be aggressive right back to it you want to take over my life i’m going to punch you in the face right so i told myself you know what i’m waking up every day i’m upset i’m mad that you know i haven’t gotten over this that i don’t feel better you know what i love my partner i know i want to be with her rationally i know that she’s the one for me but irrationally retroactive jealousy has taken over my mind so you know what i don’t care if i have rj forever i’m going to live the life i want to live i’m going to be the best partner i can be i want to live the best life i’m going to i want to have i’m not going to let this affect me anymore i’m not going to play this victim role so guess what i’m going to stop wanting this to go away so bad of course i’m going to put in the steps for it to go away but i’m going to stop wanting it i’m going to stop checking my results every day instead i’m just going to say i don’t care if i feel like this forever i’m going to live the best life i possibly can and guess what as soon as i did this as soon as i said i don’t care if i feel like this forever this is fine i’m gonna live my life anyway in a matter of a couple weeks between all these things i got out i got out okay again it was a culmination of these things for you know a month or two i wasn’t doing compulsive behaviors maybe a month i was doing 20 minutes of meditation and then just a few weeks of this final thing i was out all of this together combined i was out it just took a matter of a couple months at that point in time really putting this to good use every single day consistently this is the most effective way to overcome retroactive jealousy period end of story i truly truly believe that because this just works in conjunction with each other you’re no longer doing compulsive behaviors so you’re no longer keeping it alive in your mind you’re doing the meditations so you’re calming the anxious responses you’re calm the anxiety which is what we don’t like anyway and you’re not wishing for this to go away you’re saying i’m going to live my life regardless i’m going to do what i want to do regardless and again you’re not putting your focus and attention on rj you’re doing what you want to do your mind is focusing on other things i mean you take all that together and that’s a three-step punch right to the face of rj to punch it right out of your life i truly believe if you’re not doing one of these or any of these you need to start doing them today and this will be the most effective method for you to overcome retroactive jealousy i’m telling you it’s so so very powerful and of course if you want some more help in overcoming retroactive jealousy please check out those links in the description below i got some amazing courses i am offering down there enrollment is happening right now i have a master course as well where you can bind all my courses and i’ll throw in my email address for free so you get some email coaching i can help you overcome this um one-on-one i also have a premium coaching program through the whatsapp platform 30 days worth of coaching that i can help you out so many avenues for me to help you for you to receive support and guidance please check that out before you go today um again because i’d love to help you take this down once and for all we’ll talk about a lot of this stuff and we will get your life back 100 for sure before you go today please take a moment and smash that like button so we can get this video out to more people that need to see it subscribe to the channel if you have not already done so and click that notification bell so you are alerted every time i post a new video and that’s it for me for now everybody again i hope you have a fantastic day and i’ll see you in the next video …