Boundaries For Waiting Until Marriage⎮Specific Details and Advice!

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What’s up guys, my name is Jacob Petersen, and I am joined by my wife Julia Petersen to talk about boundaries that Christian …

all right you guys today we’re going to talk about a super important topic especially for Christian couples that is waiting for marriage I feel like a lot of times when people talk about waiting for marriage people are like just wait just don’t give in to your desires like just wait just wait just wait it’s like the reality is it’s not always that easy like our flesh is real and the desires that we have are real it’s not that those desires are necessarily always bad but it’s like acting on those desires outside of marriage is where sin can be bred and it can be a really tough thing to navigate through and so today you guys we’re gonna be talking all about boundaries and Christian dating we’re going to give you advice tips things we’ve struggled with things we’ve worked through all of that through dating as a Christian couple in order to help you guys have boundaries in your relationship to honor God within your relationship we literally get asked all the time like what practical things can I Implement because I know like I’m supposed to wait for marriage but why what is the significance can I wait for marriage once I’ve already not waited for marriage like all of those different questions we get asked all the time so we wanted to bring some clarity to that shed some light on the topic that I feel like kind of gets avoided because it is a little bit uncomfortable to talk about but we want to talk about it with you because we feel like it is super important so we’re gonna go ahead and set you guys up with the best tips and things that we did to have boundaries in our relationship to help us better honor God in our relationship and the first thing is to know the difference between love and lust you guys this is a huge thing I feel like in the world that we live in like there is such a difference between love and lust but people mistake Lust For Love and sometimes people mistake love is lust and we want to like distinguish the difference between the two you know love is just something so important and something that God created and we have to actually like dig into what is the biblical definition of love as human beings there are so many different desires and things that we have when we get into relationships because inherently we’re are just going to have that as which isn’t a bad thing no which isn’t a bad thing but it’s like how do we hold ourselves accountable in the biblical way that honors God so that we don’t always act on those intentions because a lot of the times we’re going to feel a certain way within our flesh but that’s not necessarily the way that we should feel according to our spirit if we’re following God so the difference I would say between love and lust is the definition of First Corinthians 13 verses 4 through 8. so First Corinthians 13 verses 4 through 8 says love is patient love is kind it does not envy it does not boast it is not proud it does not dishonor others and it is not self-seeking it is not easily angered and keeps no record of right and wrong love does not Delight in evil but it rejoices with the truth and always protects it always trusts it always hopes and always perseveres and then verse 8 it says love never fails and so I think the biggest thing in our world that we live in is a lot of the times Lust For Love We mistake these natural feelings that we might have towards somebody just because we might love something about them instead of actually loving them as a person yeah I think a good way to differentiate is I feel like lust is self-seeking and love is others honoring and so typically when you’re lusting after someone you’re thinking about your own desires but when you love someone you’re thinking about their desires and what’s going to be best for them and so if you’re showing someone love and you’re telling them well you’re beautiful and I love you so much I love who you are and your character that’s different than saying dang girl look at you know what I’m saying like it’s different because one is honoring that person and the other is fulfilling the desires in your own flesh so I think that’s a good way to just like in your mind okay is what I’m thinking what I’m doing is that pleasing me or honoring them in that way yeah that’s really good and I think that leads into the second thing that I want to talk about is when we are loving someone biblically before like being within marriage when we don’t act in the desires that our has that is actually honoring the other person it’s protecting them and protecting their purity you know biblically we believe that when the man and woman get married the physical act of Love or you know sex what God created within the bounds and constraint of marriage is something that he holds within the balancing constraints of marriage because he wants to protect us as human beings you know that’s special for one person to give to another person and so that’s one of the biggest boundaries as a Christian that I believe that you should hold but that is tough like that is hard like and a lot of you guys watching this probably know that is hard because you probably do have desires and you don’t know how you should act in them or you know biblically how you should act in them but it’s hard to actually restrain yourself from acting on those desires yeah and our culture and our society today the standard of waiting for marriage has been left back in the past as something that’s like old and out of style and old-fashioned and I think a lot of people have gotten hurt by the church in the way of you can 100 be pure and have made mistakes in your past because God restores that and so the whole thing that you’re not as good as you were because you’ve messed up so bad in your past that isn’t what it’s about purity is a heart posture which your heart posture then transfers into your lifestyle and your relationships and so when we’re talking about purity it doesn’t go into just having sex it’s the things you think of in your mind how close you get to that line of actually having sex like those types of things we don’t want to make you feel like oh well you’ve messed up in your past therefore you’re no longer pure God doesn’t love you you therefore are disqualified from having a holy marriage no none of that is true whatsoever because God restores the same with anything like if that was the standard the same for anything else and all of our hope for everything would be lost and so we just want to put this out there that if you’ve been hurt by the church in the past when you feel like well I didn’t wait for marriage so no man of God could ever love me that is such a lie like God can restore that but just because you haven’t waited for marriage in the past doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t in the future so there’s always a new step to go I think it’s really important to have that conversation with each other and say what are your boundaries what is your desire for your relationship with the Lord and the decisions you’ve made for yourself and how can I best honor that and help honor your Purity in that as well as upholding my own and I think too the next thing that plays into that is setting up safeguards in your relationship to prevent yourselves from abstaining from Purity and so what that looks like is being open and honest with one another what looks like is digging in the word together it’s having silly little things when it’s like oh we might fall into temptation like hey I’m gonna do this to say like no we should not be doing this whether it’s like like a tap on the back or whether it’s a code word or something you know whatever it is it could even just be something so silly as like yeah you you yell at like a code word like toucan or something banana or banana or something just like something silly and it seems so dumb but honestly if it’s like one of those small things that you guys can do and set up safeguards for it will save you guys from so much hurt say the relationship doesn’t work out or say the relationship does work out but you didn’t save yourself before marriage for that person and from that it like caused like Rocky Terrain in your relationship because again God wants you to protect yourself from having sex until marriage and it goes honestly just beyond sex like it’s not like oh you know you should just walk the line you can do everything else besides having sex like physical love is something that’s very very special within the constraints of marriage but it’s so important to not just walk the line and get as close as you can get because ultimately it’s going to lead to a lot more hurt than good yeah and to that point you may be saying okay well what makes sex so special that I need to wait for marriage what is the difference I was like oh only give that to one person you’re like what am I giving I don’t understand what that means what does that mean it’s something that’s super important to remember because when you are intimate with someone our brains are chemically wired to release chemicals it’s different from male and female that attracts and bonds you to that other person God made it that way because if we’re only having sex in marriage that will bring you closer to that other person however the problem is is if you’re having sex outside of marriage there is no guarantee that you’re going to be with that person forever and if and when you do break up it makes it so much harder and the pain that you go through is so much worse this is scientifically proven secular scholars believe this like you can ask basically like anybody who’s done the study on it and they would tell you that’s the fact so it isn’t just that God doesn’t want you to have pleasure God doesn’t want you to have fun there is a element of him just wanting to protect you from that hurt that is inevitable if you do split before marriage yeah and that honestly just like leads us into some practicals you know how do I hold myself and how do I hold my partner accountable so that we don’t even have room for this this sin to create and there’s a bunch of different things like things that we even did it’s like not spending time with just yourselves alone in a house where nobody else is it’s you know for us it was not laying in a bed together you know it was growing spiritually with one another and reading our Bibles it was talking about those times where we feel like we might fall into temptation but like being vulnerable and saying hey we need to stop like this is just going to hurt us more than help us it’s going to harm us and you know it maybe it looks like setting up a support group of some guys saying hey me and my girlfriend are really struggling with this we’re you know we’re getting close to falling into temptation can you guys pray for us I mean all of these different things that again they might seem so silly but it’s like distracting yourself so that sin I mean the Bible literally says to flee from sin like to run from sin and in every Temptation God will provide a way of escape and so it’s just so important that when we feel like we’re gonna fall on this end we run from it not like we just try to prevent it it’s no it’s like run from the sin because when we run from the sin it’s so much easier not to fall into the Temptations of that sin actually happening in our lives and so you know have those friends you can hang out with together have those family members that you guys can just spend time with together have those curfews in place have everything that you need in your relationship specifically because every relationship is different make sure those are things you talk through with that significant other so you guys can protect yourselves and have those boundaries set in place for the healthiest and most god-honoring relationship as possible I would I would caution you to say definitely go through everything with prayer just because you’re struggling with temptation doesn’t mean that your relationship is not meant to be like if you’re in a relationship that’s like loving you’re automatically going to be attracted to that person yeah and we’re wired that way that’s not a bad thing when it’s done in the context of marriage but obviously always pray about it like if the relationship really is causing you to go away from the Lord then yeah probably not the right thing and so yeah praying through them Temptations and all of that is just very important yeah and like even in our relationship I think there are some physical things that aren’t bad like hugs like Julie and I I mean we we would hug each other to show affection we would give each other a kiss we would do acts of service and gifts I mean there’s so many different Love Languages than just the physical side there’s so many ways than just the physical side to show people love and those are things you also have to talk through it’s like hey what’s the best way I can love you and serve you outside of the physical aspect as a dating couple because you you would be surprised like the way that you feel love can actually be fulfilled in multiple different ways and it can actually help you resist some of the Temptations that you’re having because you are feeling loved in these different ways yeah and that’s something that like I felt like we did really good was loving one another without the physical aspect in a lot of the different love languages in different ways okay and the last thing I want to talk about just in terms of like boundaries is just being extremely open with one another we live in a world that is just like it is so easy to access anything and everything there’s so much comparison and so like I feel like a lot of the times in relationships there need to be boundaries so that your significant other your person doesn’t feel insecure they don’t feel like you have eyes on someone else they don’t feel like a lot of these different things and those safeguards can be placed just through simple conversations so I would say one of the biggest boundaries that you guys can set up is not necessarily A boundary but it’s just clear communication it’s being open when you know there’s something that the other person wishes for the relationship and you might not see it right away but you have to just be honest and transparent and open and willing to change some of these things for your significant other that way even though you don’t you might not see it as something you can trip over you’re setting up that boundary that Safeguard just in case so that the other person not only can feel loved to the best of their ability but that could be another Temptation whether you realize it or not that you are able to flee from and that could be a lot of different things there’s like no no for everyone because he knows where you’re weak and so he’s gonna attack you where you’re weak and even something is like okay well we’re long distance we don’t have to worry about that like oh you’ll find a way to like be tempted into doing something that you shouldn’t be doing because that’s what the devil does but the great thing is when you have your relationship rooted in Christ fully the closer you are to Christ the farther away from sin you will be and the easier it will be to overcome Temptation and so sending a relationship around Christ have that Godly Community like Jacob said be in the word together be in the word separate know what God says about marriage and what God says about Temptation and exposing these things and bringing them to life will help you better be closer to God and when you have the Holy Spirit we know that that conviction comes because that’s what we’re promising so if we’re sinning if we don’t have the Holy Spirit how are we gonna feel like we need to change convicted yeah yeah but when you’re closer to God you feel convicted and you say okay this is not what I want to do I want to honor the other person but most importantly I want to honor God and by honoring God you will be honoring you yeah and that is the most important thing it’s your closeness and nearness to Jesus by yourself and as a dating couple that is going to be the biggest Safeguard and Boundary that you can put in place because you’re going to live your life a lot differently than somebody else might who doesn’t know the Lord and so that’s one of the biggest boundaries you can put in place place so you guys if you’re pursuing someone if you’re dating boundaries and just Christian dating as a whole these are some of the best things that Julie and I have experienced and we have noticed that you can do as a dating couple to really set yourself up for Success especially when you guys are pursuing marriage and just keeping yourselves accountable and just keeping the healthiest relationship possible and so I hope that you guys took something from this video and I hope you guys can learn and just grow through some of the tips and pieces of advice that we’ve given you through what we’ve gone through and what we’ve dealt with and some things that we had in place to hold us accountable and you guys we are perfect like yes we waited for marriage but you know there are times like where we didn’t necessarily cross the line but you know sometimes you get close to it and that’s why we had those safeguards luckily that we could put in place and say you know like no we need to stop here we need to stop here we can’t you know we we don’t want to fall into temptation we have to be held to a higher standard and so if you’ve been in that position before if you’ve not waited till marriage you know you are made new in Christ and I is a beautiful thing and so what better time than to start now and so we hope these tips these pieces of advice encourage you we hope that you’re able to play some of these in your life and that they impact and affect your dating life in a very healthy and positive way that helps bring you two closer to the Lord we love you guys I hope you guys learned something from these you guys subscribe if you’re new comment down below your favorite part of the video is and you guys we love you all and we’ll see you guys in the next one see ya …