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I’ve always liked to play with fire fire ladies and gentlemen this is episode [Music] 20 episode 29 coming at you on Friday how are you guys doing so today we’re going to talk something I don’t know if this is controversial or anything but we’re going to talk about depression we’re going to talk about happiness sadness going to talk about what is the purpose of life so I’m going to preface this by saying my view on this comes directly from my mom and my dad and how they raised me so if you go back to memory lanane I grew up in a very small Shaggy apartment on East LA right by K Town not the greatest a lot of guns a lot of theft not the best conditions both my parents were working at the time I was raised by my grandmother and my dad worked probably 14 hours a day my mom ate my dad was rarely home he was either this is when he didn’t create his business called Parker’s jeans search it up it’s real but this was a point at his life where he was still trying to Make It in America and I’d rarely see my on the weekdays I only saw my mom when I was about to go to bed and my dad was my role model he didn’t really teach me a lot he I I feel like as children were very observant and a lot of the way we learn is through observation so I I saw my dad and how he ran his family which is which was my mom and me at the time and he never complained he never was sad at home he was always happy always smiling made sure he gave me a kiss when he before he left for work and he always made sure that we had food on the table but he was out there hustling he was grabbing every job that he could he was driving he was doing errands he was doing admin work he was just out there straight hustling and I remember a lot of the fights that happened ironically through finances right so obviously when when my mom and my dad were both kind of trying to figure out how to make money and discovering the power of the power of what money can get you there was a lot of fights and I grew up with my parents arguing and fighting all the time screaming at each other the cool thing or the funny thing is that we lived in a very Korean neighborhood as well and these were like low class Koreans and I remember distinctively that Koreans don’t call cops on each other k Koreans no snitch on each other Koreans handled things through words so when you ever you go to an Asian restaurant Korean restaurant and you see people yelling this is how they talk so it’s funny too because growing up in that apartment I remember that the bigger kids would bully me I remember a very distinct situation where I was playing outside the apartment and there was a bike a small bike it was always around the ne around the apartment complex nobody claimed it so I just grabbed it I remember this big guy coming out out and he said that’s my bike and I I remember saying No this is mine I found the first and then he said okay go ahead so he went to the top of the stairs it was like probably three three stories three flights of stairs and when I went to the top he pushed me I remember as he pushed me I had the oh ho oh [ __ ] moment and I was tumbling down the stairs I that was the only time actually no no there’s other times but that was my first time I broke my arm and I remember me just going upstairs and telling my mom or my grandma at the time that I broke my arm and she says what happened and I explained to her what happened you know and then the first thing she did she says come with me so she grabs my broken arm I’m like I’m like H money I’m like Grandma this is my broken arm grab the other arm she’s like coming with me and she’s like grabbing my broken arm and we went downstairs to that person’s mom’s house and my grandmother starts going ham no way she went Ham on the mom and the thing about Korean culture as well is is uh you have to respect the other there very deep profound notion in Korean culture where uh we we have a upmost respect for people that are older than us because with with age comes wisdom so this mom who’s son who’s who’s the mom of this this kid that pushed me down the stairs the mom is just getting Rail and she doesn’t say one word and she apologizes I remember distinctly my grandma takes me upstairs and then calls my mom my mom has to leave work early and take me to the ER but that’s like the situation environment that I grew up in and it’s pretty cool because I think that a lot of the problems can be solved by just respecting our others and talking and apologizing if you’re wrong and I think that’s a notion that I grew up with so my my father was always out there rarely home he averaged about 2 hours of sleep my first 18 years of my life that I saw him he averag about two hours of sleep and I remember my mom asking him I’m not I I have so much respect for my dad I just say yes sir no sir it was very formal I never talk back to him I would never talk back to him whatever he told me says and the conversation that he had with me was just how are you doing how’s school are you getting enough food to eat do you need any more food he was huge on food cuz he grew up in an environment where his father died at an early age I think his father he was 11 at the time and he ended up dropping out of school to make money for food for for his eight siblings and my father older at this time right when I was older he he he told me that he would no actually this was younger this was in my my 10 when I think it was 11 my dad yeah I remember my dad telling me the story when I was young memories get kind of like skewed you know how it goes but I remember him telling me that he he would always ensure that the rest of the siblings had food cuz he was older right the older takes care of the younger so he would either eat the leftovers which would barely be any or he he lived on raw rice cuz water was also a commodity uh I think that you guys take water for granted but water was a commodity in the’ 60s in in South Korea you guys think South Korea is just beautiful Samsung Kia they no it wasn’t always like that it used to be very poor my dad grew up in that environment so I just watched my dad never complain and I remember him saying I remember asking my dad did I ask my dad I think yes yes I asked my dad how he did it right cuz I I was this little kid that was pretty lazy at the time I I don’t know I didn’t know the world I didn’t know and he was 35 he’s traveled around he’s been around and he told me that depression’s a luxury and he said that he didn’t have time to be be depressed the only thing that was on his mind is how and what the steps needed to take in order to answer to how and this man has been through it all and he’s been through a lot of trauma early in his childhood he was separated from his family he grew up in an orphanage boarding school and he ended up serving the military and he ended up coming here with no money and building this marvelous business and he never he always he always told me that don’t don’t don’t don’t get your WRA don’t get your head wrapped around how you’re feeling because the reason why you’re feeling this way is because your mind is trying to tell you something right when you’re in shitty situations you’re going to feel shitty when things aren’t going good you’re going to feel depressed deed and there’s multiple times there’s there’s multiple times throughout the day right throughout the week that you are going to feel depressed but what what he taught me and what I’ve learned over the years of of becoming an adult becoming a warrior and being able to see the world as it is is that the your the the happiness and sadness are fleeting they come and go and the problem about sadness is if you or sadness and happiness is if you constantly thrive thrive is that the right word if if you constantly seek happiness you’re going to be depressed because all you’re looking forward to is happiness and without happy there is no sad without light there is no dark and the world revolves around a equal and opposite reaction a force field where our moods dictate the state that we’re at right you’re not you’re not sad when you’re sipping Margarita’s in Cabo or at the beach with your friends or going out to a party and laughing you’re get happy cuz your body is saying okay this is good I can afford this Margarita I can afford to be on this beach I can afford to hang out with my friends but you’re sad when things aren’t going well and you should feel sad right because that situation sucks imagine if you’re happy when if imagine if you saw someone that you love die in front of you and smiling imagine that would that make sense no you’re going to be sad of course you’re going to be sad but the thing that I’ve learned and that my father taught me was that every sad opportunity or every sad experience always has a happy ending it’s just how you look at it and my dad’s failed numerous businesses he’s F he’s lost a lot of money and every time he always looked at why and how he how how to prevent that from happening again that’s all he worried about he didn’t lament and gripe and complain that he’s not unlucky or how he’s Korean and how he’s not able to succeed in America because of his race he didn’t make any of those excuses I think that’s one thing that I think differentiates Asians and Koreans is that like my father taught me never to complain that it could be much worse and that he’s seen much worse much worse and me being the military being being getting the opportunity to travel around the world parts of the world where it’s very War torn parts of the world where people are scared to leave their house parts to the world war when you leave the house you know that you may not come back so you kiss your wife you kiss your kids knowing that this might be the last time they ever see you and I think that perspective requires experience and if you constantly live in a bubble right whether it’s in your room whether it’s in your small town you’re never going to see what the world is and if you don’t understand the world you’re going to continue to be in a state of depression you’re going to be continue to be in a state of sadness because you can’t really appreciate life and know this might be controversial but you can’t appreciate life truly appreciate life until you see enough of death because the price of life is death and until you understand that until you see it until you feel it you’re going to constantly live a life of ungratefulness bitterness being sour all the time feeling like the world owes you something I remember when I I was in which story should I tell you guys I remember when I was in Ranger school right to 6 62-day course in the military arguably the hardest School in the Army and I was there for 155 days what’s insane about that situation was that I started to actually everyone talks about how it’s a Leadership School and how you like they pound their chest like oh my gosh I’m a leader no I think it was a spiritual school I I I really I really saw how humans operate under very treacherous situations conditions like we had we averaged about 2 hours of sleep at night majority of times we get 30 minutes we had two meals one or two meals a day and we were we were carrying around about 50 to 100 lb walking up and down the Mountain 10 12 m a day very exhausting we were sleeping outside next to the [ __ ] what I mean by that is we would dig a hole where we would poo and it would be in the middle of our sleeping area and there’s multiple times where it was extremely cold cuz I started on the summer and then into winter and during my journey of those 155 days I I learned so much about human behavior human psychology and I also understood the value of pain the value of your environment cuz we all knew that it sucked none of us thought that this was great but we still laughed right imagine that we were drinking water out of the river at times we had this crappy little meal called an M we were constantly tired majority of the times we were so tired and exhausted that we weren’t able to think about anything else but that next meal or that next sleep that’s the only thing that we were able to think about and we still when while we’re going through this when shitty stuff continued to happen we laughed about it we smiled we joked around isn’t that amazing and and I think that’s because my experience for it was that it it it taught me how to make shitty situations great it taught me that when you’re stripped of everything there is nothing to complain about I’m going to say that again when you’re stripped of everything there’s nothing else to complain about we all had shaved heads we all were the same thing disgusting smelly we were sweating all the time we had rashes we got infections again we had little food little sleep we were carrying this giant backpack with a bunch of am of fake ammo and equipment and this fake gun and it was hot or it was cold there were snakes there was bees there was flies there was gnats there’s mosquitoes and we didn’t have time to be depressed that that whole trip and I say trip because I was there for 155 days but that whole experience was I only had time to think about the next thing what we needed to do in order to succeed right obviously I didn’t succeed that much so I was constantly thinking about the next meal that’s what really got me through the school was all right I just I just uh I just think I failed this was also a time in 2017 when it was hard but I remember like the the Rangers start telling me giving me feedback and I already knew I’m like oh yeah I failed and then I was like you know what at least I’ll be able to eat at the end of this so that’s what I look forward I never was like I’m sad I’m feeling sorry for my I didn’t have time to think about that and that goes back to my father when he said that he was averaging about two you know he was literally averaging about 2 hours of sleep at night for 18 years from when I’ve seen him always out there working hustling trying to get more jobs trying to figure out how to make more money and he told me what was true was he didn’t have time to be depressed I think the more bored you are the more susceptible you are to feeling sad or feeling depressed because boredom ironically is probably the worst thing you can ever do and that’s why I fill up my schedule every single day I don’t like to be bored right and some people people what they do is they study they read they do all these things or exercise and that’s good right instead of just sitting around your house scrolling through Tik Tock or Instagram and seeing the world through other people’s lenses or stories that’s going to make you depressed because you’re currently sitting in a room probably a broken ass apartment with you’re you’re you’re probably fat hey I used to be fat I can say it you’re you you don’t have you don’t have a significant other you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend you don’t have any friends and you’re just on your phone constantly scrolling through social media and seeing all the amazing thing that other people is doing of course you’re going to be depressed of course you’re going to be set cuz you got nothing going on for yourself but that’s your that’s God that’s your mind telling you the Universe telling you to get your [ __ ] together instead of just Sorrowing in your own pain right the life that you live is the life that you deserve and I’ve learned this a hard way I spent the first 18 years of my life being a nobody being a loser being depressed being anxious all the time getting bullied and you know I I can tell you from personal experience that when I once I started getting my life together and it started with Fitness and this is why I’m I’m such a huge proponent of health and fitness of gym of resistance training of doing something hard every day is because when you get your body in check when you have a body you become confident it’s insane how that works and and and after my physical transformation I started going into okay career transformation right and I was able to start with start at the bottom and I made it to the top throughout my military career of course there’s a lot of tragic things that happened throughout my life I’m not going to lie but I didn’t let that affect me right I I face the head on I I usually use a 24-hour rule when something bad happens and then I move on I I don’t I don’t like to drive constantly looking at the rear rear view mirror CU then you’re going to miss what’s happening in front of you I I was also one funny thing is kinges don’t believe it’s going to it’s going to Mak me controversial Koreans don’t believe in therapy Koreans don’t believe in depression Koreans believe in money they they money solves all sorts of problems I it’s kind of funny because it actually does when when my dad started to make more money my parents start uh started to fight less when my dad bought his first house there was no fights when my dad bought two cars one for him one for his for for my mom there was no fights there’s always fights when we were living in that shitty apartment getting our tires ripped or license plate stolen being in an environment where it was uncomfortable because we would hear hear gunshots at night that’s when a lot of the fighting happened right but one thing that really separated I think my and I say my father because my my father has he his ability to withstand pain and endure his resilience is is is is insane that man is so driven and he he he is the reason that who I am today and I’m very lucky I’m very lucky to have a father that was able to teach me things by do them right my dad wasn’t really much of a bragger or talker he just he just did it and I just realized like now right so currently I’m on terminal leave before I start school and I spent the day I I I I actually I like again I like to test things out because I’m curious I’m always I’m a curious guy and I spent an entire day doing nothing I was just scrolling on on Instagram watching YouTube shorts watching YouTube videos and I started to feel super depressed super sad I was just like wow this person is doing that that person is doing this what am I doing should I go on vacation should I travel around the world why am I not doing that why am I not doing this and I’m saying all that because I’m watching it through I’m watching someone else’s public profile and you got to remember guys a lot of people who who share public information don’t live the same in private everybody has skeletons in their closet and no one’s person humans are not meant to be perfect we are meant to have mistakes and learn from it and what’s insane what’s one of my pet peeves is that you know they a lot of people get attacked for what they said years ago or what they did years ago when it was socially acceptable and then now it it comes back and who are you to judge them right it’s it’s kind of funny who are you to judge them because every single one of you including me have said or done things that we’re not proud of right and you Pro we tend to project our own insecurities and failures onto other people especially successful people guys I’m telling you that is the wrong mindset if you’re criticizing successful people you’re never going to be successful the only person that you should be a you should you should be criticizing is you right is is like is your room clean is your body in check do you have a six-pack did you retire your parents do you give money to the homeless shelter do you do do you do a really good job at work who are you if you don’t have those in order who are you to criticize someone else you know what I mean that’s one of the funniest thing ironically I think it’s so much easier nowadays especially with the internet that a lot of people hide behind comments but you know nine times a 10 they’re not going to say in front of you they’re not they they’re they’re not going to talk to you on public like they do in private and happiness is the biggest drug that I think Western culture has produced right there’s it’s it’s it’s it’s it’s called a rat race right we we go through our lives we we’re we’re children at first we have fun then we go on to college spending all our time drinking and partying and having sex reg graduate work to a 9 to-5 we hate our job then we go to the bar oh I’m happy take a sip of the beer oh I’m happy take a sip of that Margarita oh I’m happy and then wake up next morning I’m hung over I’m sad and then wake up the next day I got to go to work and you repeat that cycle over and over and over again then you throw in some vacations are you’re miserable your entire life until this day June 28th is when I’m going to Cabo when I’m going on vacation then you’re happy and you come home then you’re sad again and it the psycle repeats over and over again and you put money into your 401k or Roth IRA then you put money in investment accounts then you wait through your 65 and then now because you didn’t take care of your body your health you’re sick you have a cane you have a wheelchair you can barely stand up you can’t enjoy the money that you put into your savings account it’s ironic I think the Roth IR is the biggest scam in the world because you can’t take money out of it or you get penalized just my opinion ironically I’m curious on I’m curious with the researches is how many how many people that have 4 401ks or IAS that actually get to enjoy the money that’s in it by the time that they turn 65 so I’m I’m actually clear is it 65 I don’t know but you kind of get what I’m saying and one thing that my dad taught me and his biggest mistake that he told me was you know he grew up an athlete he played a lot of soccer he was in the military he was huge into running and weightlifting and once he started working he didn’t take care of his health his health deteriorated and and now he’s not as health as he can be he has some health issues and I think you know when when I when I talk and now that I’m old I my dad talks to me and I still respect him right here’s the thing my dad’s not my friend my dad will never be my friend my dad is a person that I respect too much no matter how and that includes my mom as well my my parents are Untouchable you know they say things that may be outdated because they weren’t in the exact environment that we’re in and they’re using information that are outdated I’m not going to shame them for it I’m not going to mock them for it the only reason I’m here today is because of them and I let them nag I let them talk to me I let them laugh I listen not my my rule with my parents is I talk 5% of the time they talk 95% of the time they earned it and it’s it’s insane when you start looking at life that way how much your perspective changes how much your your your ability to see the world as it can be cuz a lot of you guys look at the world for what it is you look at your life for what it is and then you start you know it’s it’s it’s funny cuz it’s it’s it’s easier to blame the world than it is to blame yourself and I was actually thinking about this when I forgot what what book I was reading it might have been meditations but it it it talked about how we are all in prison only the few have escaped right you think the prison is made out of concrete no it’s made out of Flesh as well your mind right cuz your mind can make Heaven of Hell or Hell of Heaven it’s up to you and a lot of you guys live your life making Heaven of hell and you continue to point fingers at everybody else but yourself my dad never pointed fingers I never pointed fingers when bad things happened to me I licked the wounds and I moved on when bad things happened to me I didn’t sit there and start freaking out or crying I moved on when bad things happened to me I learned from it and then I moved on you couldn’t you can you can live the World by a different lens you know like when you go to optometrist and you know one when they flicker the thingy what is it called I don’t know what it’s called but the different lenses you guys know what I’m talking about one lens is blurry one lens is clear but if you sat behind it the the lens that I was looking through that was blurry could be clear for you and what’s clear for me might be blurry for you it’s just how you look at the world right you you guys have the ability to do so and I’m telling you it can be a lot worse right someone that’s been in a war torn country twice 5 months at a time I can tell you that the life that you live right now is much more safer and the gratitude that you guys are missing is because you haven’t seen enough of tragic things traumatic things traumatic things here is not even close comparison to tragic things that are happening in the Middle East in Africa and parts of Southeast Asia there’s so so much other bad things are happening that you’re not aware of and then when you have a bad day or someone honked at you at work or your boss cursed you out or that friend wronged you or this celebrity said one thing or this politician said another thing and you let that affect you you let that make you depressed and sad and anxious you make that let you get frustrated I don’t know I just don’t think that way I I I I I think that the world is very complicated and I think that there’s winners and losers and I think that there’s people that tell the truth and people that lie I don’t believe that there is a left the right Democrat Republican I think those those are all Ponzi schemes scops that rich people are trying to distract you with in order for them to continue you know what’s funny you know the you know honey right you know where Honey comes from so I’m curious if the honey bees actually know that we’re taking the honey away from them right so do you actually know if your money the life that you are meant to have is being taken away from you the answer is no because you’re distracting yourself from all this happiness this drama this politics this person this celebrity this movie constant distraction and you have no idea what’s going on behind the scenes it’s it’s it’s kind of funny because when I first started in in the military is is is you you learn by observing and watching right because it’s competitive you’re competing with everybody and the successful people aren’t going to tell you exactly how to do what to do because you’re competing with them but they’ll leave you Clues right and and if you continue to distract yourself with all this drama all this garbage that’s going on you’re going to miss the clues so just my you know two cents of thought of of how I how I view the world and I just think that a lot of you will continue to live a life that you deserve and and some of you will get out of it it’s not easy but I think the problem with and this was a problem that I had as well right I’m not berating you guys what I’m saying is that a lot of us watch all these motivational videos a lot of us watch these aha moment aha clips and then we just go on with the rest of our lives instead of actually taking the time to self-reflect I didn’t start gaining knowledge or Insight on videos that I watched I thought were good until I started taking notes and I started thinking about it analyzing it seeing how it applies to my life and just saying that’s cool right it’s like when a super nice car passes or super hot girl with this guy passes you and you’re like how did he get that girl or how did he get that car a lot of people like eh whatever he probably is Rich or he probably has he’s a trust fund or whatever but you don’t never analyze like how he was able to get there never analyze that just go on with your day yeah that’s it for today guys I’ll see you tomorrow …