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most people are not even aware of the inner child that exists inside of them and when we are not aware of that inner child and what its needs are we will crave that of validation approval we may find oursel being very critical or having a lot of criticism within ourselves we may crave encouragement that we never received as kids if as kids we did not feel seen heard soothed or nurtured we will project those desires onto other people into our life wanting them to subconsciously meet our own needs we may find ourselves in positions of wanting and seeking someone in a partnership and a romantic relationship to meet those needs we may be trying to close the loop from childhood with many different people in our life and what happens is a lot of people do not even have the awareness of this inner child and they’re not aware that if they were to develop a relationship with their inner child that it could completely transform their life from the inside out some of the most powerful work that I’ve seen done not only in my own life but in tens of thousands of people that have gone through different Live Events or 21-day challenges is that I’ve run is seeing people go through the process of becoming aware of what is called their divine child as Carl Yun calls it every one of us has the Divine Child inside of us this innocent part of ourselves that in the past may have felt not seen not heard not soothed and not nurtured and therefore in a way feels trapped in past patterns and what’s interesting is even though we grow up even though we may find ourselves as a 20-some year old a 30s something 40something year old adult or more there is a part of our self that is still seeking validation approval and and familiarity as well it may be the toxic side of this of attracting narcissistic people attracting manipulative people and at a deep fundamental level this might be what the inner child feels comfortable with it feels familiar now in this video what I want to do is I want to give you an actual process that you can use to completely transform your life from the inside out some of the most powerful transformative work that I have done has been my own work with my own inner child I want to share with you a little bit of something that I experienced in Sedona when I went to what is called a family constellation therapy session which completely blew my mind and I want to show you how you can develop a relationship with your own inner child and in meditation every single day as you are with this part of yourself you will find that many different areas of your life begins to transform as a result it is Biz it is bizarre how much changes when you begin doing this kind of work because it’s on it’s getting straight to the core this is why I believe many people have blocks when it comes to attracting a loving relationship this is why many people may find themselves in certain attachment Styles where they’re either avoidant and pushing away love subconsciously or they are that of anxious towards love and then still pushing it away subconsciously and this will help you get to the core of what that is so that there is a part of yourself that become begins to be healed you ever hear people that say that there’s a part of that wants this and there’s a part of me that wants this there’s literally that part of you is your inner child now this inspired me because I was actually watching a video we’re going to look at that of a couple clips from a video of theovon who’s a comedian with Dak Shepard who’s also a comedian these two people are uh having a conversation about their struggles in relationships and I thought it was a a a thing that we could touch on today because there’s so much to learn from each of their childhoods to also the things that they are seeking on the outside to also even their success when it comes to um different Dynamics and relationships but also what you can do with that because at a certain point in this couple minute clip you’re going to see Dak Shepard says to be aware is not enough and that is true you can be aware of toxic patterns you can be aware that oh I attract narcissistic people or manipulative people but that doesn’t mean anything’s going to change and what I want to do will show you what does close the loop more so than just awareness awareness is a big part of the process but if you don’t do anything with it you do stay stuck in the pattern and in this beautiful example of this kind of vulnerable conversation between Dak Shepard and theovon I want to show you what we can learn and also point out some things about it some of this will have to do with Freudian psychology Carl Union psychology but let’s take a look at it right now you know oh I remember my first first like or my second girlfriend and we were like really in love and what age I think this was in college and she and I she broke up with she’d had it yeah and I remember saying you can’t break up with me you’re my mom that’s what I remember it came out of my [ __ ] face really and that’s which was just a slight improvement over spitting in her hair that’s where you had matured to by the time you were in college you can’t you’re my mom what a Freudian slip as frean water first slide dude so a Freudian slip is when somebody says something that is true in their subconscious and it just slips out and what happened is when many times what we do if our inner child and the inner child AP part of us did not close the loop in childhood or feel seen heard soothed or nurtured what we do is we project those needs and desires onto the people that we are dating you may find yourself if you had maybe a narcissistic parent growing up you might attract narcissistic people into your life trying to turn them trying to heal them subconsciously knowing that maybe they subconsciously can’t really meet your needs or it was a toxic environment but there’s a part of you that feels unresolved from that energy so many times as well we attract people that are playing out certain patterns that we are trying to that we are trying to heal and there are certain lessons that we can learn as well so one thing I wanted to point out about that is that when theovon said to this girl you’re my you can’t break up with me you’re my mom a lot of times what people do if they have a mom wound or a dad wound is they’re trying to find that in other people it’s like I remember when I was a kid I read this book called uh are you my Mommy it’s this little this little bird going around going are you my mommy and going over to like a broom and going like are you my mommy me and what happens is if the inner child and part of us did not feel validated approved of seen her or nurtured we will go out into reality looking for that trying to turn people into someone that can actually meet the needs but of course normally you also attct emotionally unavailable people in that pattern as well so I just wanted to point that out real quick so let’s move on but it BW it came out it like came out it just I was like you can’t break up with me you’re my mom oh and I was like and I didn’t know for years what that even meant and then once I got into recovery and started getting a look at my life I was able to be like wow dude like I had no understanding of like how to get affection or be fair with affection or anything like that yeah I mean I didn’t have a template I didn’t have a [ __ ] idea I didn’t know what was her response do you remember she I know she felt probably bad for me you know oh God she loved me for sure and she’s a super loving girl but um but I I think she probably years later probably saw like oh that dude was not yeah that guy was not ready not ready for a mature and he’s still [ __ ] just’s trying to get ready he’s trying to get ready but that stuff doesn’t go away man that’s the crazy thing I thought at certain like like at certain times of my life I’d be like oh in a couple years this will be gone but it doesn’t go away unless you do something about it yeah you have I had the fantasy that to be aware of it would solve it yeah like oh I see what’s happening I’m just trying to get you know I’m trying to heal oh God I could go super deep which is like and this is recent and this is probably too much for your show or the dudes who listen to this but real quick before we move on because what he’s about to say I think is very interesting prior to this he was talking about how he was in an open relationship with one woman for nine years and pretty much all of his 20s this is the Dax Shepherd that that was saying that um and it sounds like from what he’s explaining in this podcast he’s very good with women in the sense that he’s able to basically receive a lot of affection receive a lot of attention and on the other side of that when theovon was talking he was more so leading to basically that it was that was something that’s more challenging for him being able to receive affection and love is something that he had no template for um to be when they say that the awareness is not enough that’s what I’m talking about and by the end of this video you’ll have more of a template and an understanding with what you can actually do to close the loop rather than just being aware that there’s this inner child part of you that may feel not seen heard sued they nurtured and it’s looking for it on the external so let’s get into this though this this is very interesting what no we dude i’ if I cry on here one more time I’m literally turning into the G Brooks of podcast yeah me me too I’ve been crying all the time fing every I didn’t cry for 30 years and now I can’t make it through the day without crying bro it’s like it’s for [ __ ] being sober yeah it’s like you got the Menace you don’t have anything to numb it and here it is but I also think like there was a sexual component which is like okay so my mom adores me that’s obvious um I was The Golden Child I did not lack for a mom who believed in me or supported me or thought I was wonderful she definitely did but something would take her away from me and I was smart enough to realize oh we can’t fulfill this romantic desire of hers like that’s something we can fulfill she’s gonna have to go get boyfriends right AKA she’s gonna have to have a sexual relationship with people right so I think in some weird way and I I think I’m just starting to understand this aspect which is like I have to give that to any woman if I want her to stay around in a way that is world class and you can’t go you don’t want to go shopping for more like the priority I put on that part the sexual part I think was very outsize for what a woman would even give a [ __ ] about just as a little kid I was like oh the only thing I don’t have that my mom needs is SE sexual part so I need that’s what I want her to stay at all times and I don’t want any of these guys to come around so if I now if I’m having this experience that also feels loving and nurturing in with a female my thought is like I have to give her that thing in a way that she’ll never go need it and leave me for it so what Dax is talking about here is a complex by Freud that is called the Oedipus complex and it has to do with this desire for mom and boy child or a lot of times it’s the other side for women to men to to their dads but this repressed sexual desire to be at homeostasis and in a way be in a relationship with Mom or Dad and know it sounds kind of weird but what he is talking about here is basically that Sexual Energy of wanting to basically meet the needs of his mom to be in Union with that of his mom and what he recognized was that he could not fil fulfill that desire and he eventually explains that his mom was like with three different I think he said he had three different stepdad by the the age of nine and his mom was going out and getting your needs met you know he couldn’t meet those needs so she would go out and there was a part of him that probably felt not enough that felt um that he needed to in order to receive love in order to completely meet the needs of his mom he had to be that for other women in his life so now there’s a projection of that energy where he said he would overperform or overd deliver in that category around women because they wouldn’t want them to shop around in the same way that he felt he wasn’t enough as a kid because his mom was shopping around now what I also want to point out is that from Dax Shepard and Theo’s different childhoods you can see how one was The Golden Child who could do no wrong who had an incredible amount of affection and then also he was someone that wasn’t even in a monogamous relationship for nine years because there was a part of him that maybe wanted did not want that commitment but also he could easily receive the affection of many different people so he would be he was in an open relationship for so long so it sounds like receiving affection and love for him was very easy and when he was a kid it was very easy now on the other side of that theon’s experience was it was much harder for him to to to experience that and one thing that he eventually shares inside this podcast is that he at one point had memories of when his mom and him were going to uh that uh playing baseball his mom would say I’m waiting in the car if you don’t hit the ball within the first four Innings the first four Innings of baseball we’re leaving and that’s exactly what happened so he if did not hit the ball in the first four or five rounds or Innings he would then be pulled out of the game and his mom and him would leave and imagine as a little boy how that would feel how embarrassing that could be to be that of somebody that is at a baseball game and there’s this pressure and this energy if I have to perform right now and if I don’t perform I can’t continue to play and then instead of getting the encouragement he gets more shame and more more punished for not performing at that level so then taken away from the game that’d be also embarrassing probably with the other kids I would imagine as well now the thing that I want to point your attention to with this and this this whole podcast I mean there’s about 17-minute clip that talks about this whole entire them talking about their struggles and relationships which I found very valuable for just understanding the different Dynamics and it just being a vulnerable expression of how we sometimes deal with uh things from our past and how that projects itself onto the people that we meet into the future now in general the thing that can make such a big difference when it comes to this is not just becoming aware of the patterns that’s a big part of it is becoming aware of it the other aspect of those that allows us to close CL the loop is connecting with the parts of our s in our past that feels not seen not soed not heard and not nurtured now let me explain to you a little bit about one of the most powerful processes I’ve been through and then we’ll talk about that of what you can actually do to heal that inner child part of yourself that’s trying to get its needs met now first off um I have a friend of mine that’s a YouTuber that’s uh been doing this kind of work for a long time she uh she was working with Mark wam who wrote the book it didn’t start with you all about how in inherited family trauma affects uh our lives in subconscious ways and uh she basically what she told me is a couple things she says if you she told me that if you get a session with Mark wam it can have a very powerful effect on your life he’ll help you become aware of these patterns and then also she told me family constellation therapy is extremely powerful now basically what I did is over the the course of like eight months I did both of these things I got a session with Mark wam where he helped me become aware of a lot of the childhood patterns I was unaware of and basically within the first five years of your life you go through a process of becoming aware where with what was the energy of mom what was the energy of dad and you father mother uh child Dynamic and within the first year the second year the third year all the way to the fifth year what were the most powerful things that impacted you and what you do is you look at that because that first five years sets the pattern for the next cycles of your life they’re just on autopilot and even think about it as a kid you’re in the Theta wave brain wave state which is completely the subconscious mind you’re literally absorbing everything that happens and creating your model of reality now one of the reasons inner child healing is also so powerful is because when you heal that inner child part of you which normally goes back to being between born and 5 years old what ends up happening is that was when you were making the model of your reality for how the world works that was something we did we we did when we were kids and then and Theta State that’s what influenced our subconscious mind so if you want to heal the blueprint and the belief systems you have about the world if you go back and you do this inner child healing it also allows you to rewire the beliefs you have about reality and how you relate to other people so when I did that one thing that I became aware with Mark woolam was I became aware of a few different things one of them was when I was one or two years old my mom’s dad passed away and my mom did not have a good relationship with her dad um she ran away from home when she was 13 or for you know 13 or 14 years old and she ended up having foster parents um after that but there was a lot of abuse that happened in the family and basically she ran away she didn’t have a good relationship with her dad nonetheless when I was 1 or 2 years old my mom’s dad passed away that had a very powerful effect on my mom she lost weight she did not eat and imagine if I was one or two years old and I was looking up at my mom and she was in her own process she was just you know imagine you to feel seen heard sued the nurtured you need to have somebody there that’s present that’s with you and if emotionally they’re checked out because they’re going through their own process imagine how a baby would feel if you’ve ever heard of that of the Ste face experiment you’ll know that it is a very powerful Attunement between the mom and the baby when you think of that just simply watching this video right now or this uh this little clip right here I’ll explain it to you it can have a very powerful effect on the own inner child inside of yourself so what it is is a mom and her child are interacting it’s called the still face experiments they did these experiments back in the90s maybe even the 80s what they would do is a mom and a baby are interacting the mom is looking at the baby the baby and the mom are having this beautiful mirroring of emotions and the mom is doing a great job of helping the baby feel seen heard soothed and nurtured then what happens though is the mom looks away and when the mom looks back she has a still face it’s part of the experiment no expression whatsoever now what happens is the baby starts to at first is kind of confused but then the baby starts to freak out a little bit the baby then does what are called protest behaviors to get Mom to come back the baby might scream or point and normally when the baby points mom looks mom goes goooo Gaga and and points where the baby looks mom doesn’t do that cuz she’s in the still face experiment the baby points mom doesn’t look the baby keeps trying to get Mom’s attention she has a still face then what happens is the baby starts to get so uncomfortable the baby starts to cry and then at the very peak of it the baby can’t even bear what she is seen so she turns around and contorts her spine to not even see it because it’s that painful to look at now within a few minutes of mom emotionally checking out and having a still face the baby’s nervous system completely freaked out the baby no longer felt seen soothed heard and nurtured now imagine the beliefs the model of reality that baby might have from that of that kind of experience of that interaction with Mom now here’s the thing that was the second part of the experiment the third part of the experiment is Mom comes back Mom says oh I’m so sorry baby she picks up the baby she holds and the baby then heals its ner the baby nervous system and then regulate it again now this is a perfect example of what has not been done for many of our own inner Childs in the past in some way whether Mom was physically or emotionally unavailable whether it was a connection to Dad if there was a part of us that felt not soed soothed heard seen or nurtured then that’s the part of us that’s craving approval and validation from other people so when I became aware of this when my mom’s dad passed away I I became aware of this obviously now but I I could look back and see when I talk to my mom she’s like oh yeah my mom was like my my dad passed away when you were one or two and I lost a whole bunch of weight and didn’t sleep I’m thinking well imagine the version of me that’s one or 2 years old how would that version of me feel I found out also and this came up later in deeper um kind of like meditation but um when my brother was born I was 3 years old almost two half 3 years old when my brother was born he had a lot of Health complications he had asthma and what happened was um he was in the hospital a lot and when he was born there was a lot of attention that my brother naturally got because from his first couple years of life he was always sick or there was something going on and my mom overly nurtured him to help him not overly nurtured him but there was an energy where there was almost like a certain Dynamic of attention subconsciously that my mom probably wasn’t even aware of but my my dad talked about it said that it’s almost like uh rush to the hospital for every little thing and and in that moment though there was a part of me what I realized is there was a part of me when my brother was born and this is often talked about in childhood therapy when the uh second child is born the first oldest child feels dethroned I could definitely feel that also because my brother naturally needed had a lot of needs and attention that was naturally given to him there was a part of me that felt maybe I’m not there’s something wrong with me maybe I’m not worthy to have the attention some level of Shame there so when this attention shifted when I was 2 or three years old there was a part of me that then did not feel seen heard soothed or nurtured now when I was 5 years old my parents actually divorced so things weren’t working out between Mom and Dad between 3 to 5 years old things were probably falling apart in a certain way a couple years before so talking to Mark woen made me aware of all of those energy Dynamics and what I became aware of is what I could then work with now let’s fast forward to that of family constellation therapy which is a German process it’s going to sound pretty esoteric pretty weird but it is extraordinarily powerful and it gets into everything that I’m talking about right now as well when we’re talking about this inner child healing now basically what it is is uh I had a session I went to Sedona for this and what happens is the idea is that the genetic line or the energy pattern within you and your family Dynamic is within your energetic field now what happens is in family consolation therapy what you do is there is a therapist that’s certified in this and then there are people that help facilitate the process of becoming aware of these patterns and closing the loops from childhood now what happened is I first I had a session with this woman and she helped me become aware of certain patterns and what we did is we moved pillows into a certain part of the room we could see whether the pillars were facing each other and what the dynamic was between different people in my family it was between my dad my mom and I and what I became aware of was that uh my mom’s energy because she had so much trauma in her childhood she was facing the energy she was trying to clo close the loop from whereas my dad’s energy was facing her and she was not facing my dad she was it’s an energetic example of where the dynamic was now imagine then my dad’s energy would be more anxious trying to get my mom’s you know fix my mom attention approval whatever but my mom had the energy onto something else so there was some awareness there but then two days later I come back and we did an actual family consolation therapy now what this meant is there were four people that were brought in who were awesome and they were people that were brought in that did this kind of work uh with this practitioner at other times and basically what they do is you pick that of certain people to play certain members of your family even people that maybe you’ve never met so what happened was these people that I just met who knew nothing about me who knew that of no context or like oh you’re going to play this person in my family who did this this and this no none of that so I had somebody that played my mom somebody that played my mom’s mom and someone that played my mom’s dad who I never actually met they died before I was born or I just never knew them um and then of course my mom and then somebody played me was a 7-year-old guy played me and basically what happens is they’re in this living room at this house where I’m at and what they do is they get into character they get into State I guess and they see what comes up they see what energy comes through through and what happens is they start playing out the energy pattern dynamics of your family without them knowing anything it’s freaking bizarre but what I became aware of and not to give away necessarily everything I will say one thing that was an insight for me was uh the version of me the 70-year-old guy that was playing me he was going up and uh trying to get Mom’s attention mom this lady that played my mom kind of like my mom she was also a parent it was immediately when she came into the room I knew she’s playing my mom cuz I kind of knew what was going to happen um and basically she was like going through a process she was going through like an internal process and the 70-year-old guy that was playing me went up to her and was like Mom and she was just kind of like in her process and then after a couple moments the version of the guy playing me said screw it and he started F he started playing with stuff that was around he started playing with these little orn what happened was he said that basically he said screw it I’m just going to I’m just going to get busy I’m just going to focus on doing things which was very interesting for me because I believe that creating success in my life has been something that I’ve done also I mean part of it is I I do what I love and I’m passionate but also there’s a part of me that can see that’s staying busy like I’m somebody that’s going to the gym I’m somebody that’s doing lots of things all the time I can tell that there’s a part of me that definitely in the past has distracted myself be for that reason from those emotions to stay busy believing I need to stay busy and then uh the most powerful part of this though there there’s other things that happened but the most powerful part of this family consolation therapy was at the very end um I actually not the seven-year-old guy I got in the arms of this woman that was playing myom mom and I laid on the floor and it was kind it took me a minute to get into state with this cuz it felt kind of cheesy once you once I sank into it though she was like nurturing me in basically a way that I felt I was never nurtured growing up and what happened is as she was nurturing me there was this sharp pain in my heart which made no sense I’m like I should just be feeling love and it felt very uncomfortable but what was getting brought up was all the all the pain and as I sat with that pain as I sat with that emotion and that pain inside of my heart it began to it began to leave out of my body and my body even felt like it wanted to like shake to release energy after about 5 or 10 minutes of me laying in this woman’s arms as she she’s nurturing me she’s like rubbing my head and there was this heart opening that happened where after that I felt so much more open so much more understanding and and seeing that in the past I had blocked love because love felt uncomfortable I did not as theovon was saying have that template for how to receive that affection even though there was a part of me that desired it there was a part of me that L literally did not feel comfortable with it but the more I sat with those emotions the more comfortable I felt the more I embraced it so these couple stories I’ve shared with you are different examples for how you can work with that own inner child and part of you now one of the most powerful things for you to do that I believe can completely transform your life is learning how to talk and to connect to that part of yourself look at your timeline of that version of you and you might find that there’s a version of you that maybe was 2 years old 6 years old 12 years old a lot of times I find getting to the cor is like between zero to 5 years old but what you can do is do a meditation a meditation can completely transform your life for helping you get to the subconscious mind which is the Theta state to connect to the version of you that literally feels scared in your past it’s inside of you right now and in meditation you gain access to that subconscious part of you that has been ignoring that aspect of yourself for so long you see if you don’t go back and validate and nurture and soothe that inner child part of you you will continue to project it out and to search for it in the outer reality with other people but other people cannot give it to you it is only something you can experience from within so doing an inner child meditation can help you to literally heal this part of you after I watched this podcast yesterday I was watching it when I was like hanging out at night and I found it so interesting that I went into literally an hour or two process of me meditating and connecting to my own inner child it actually was kind of stimulating like I was trying to go to bed but I was like I felt like something was shifting inside of myself but I didn’t know but it was kind of activating me it took me a while to fall asleep what I did is I went back to that inner child part of me in different memories and different with just intention using my subconscious mind to connect to it and I imagined what that version of me felt and what I did was I then would I would then interact with that version of me and what I realized is there was a 2-year-old version of me that didn’t I didn’t have to intellectually say anything to he just wanted to be held so what I did is I held that part of myself I imagined what that version of me would be what wearing and then what I would do is I would imagine it and switch the perspective and then imagine that I was in my own arms or in my mom’s arms imagine even if you didn’t have the most emotionally available parents what would it look like if they did if you did allow yourself to imagine that the reason I say that is because every time we remember something from the past we take it out of the memory bank we look at it we change it and put it back this is what Neville G talks the revision technique where you can literally revise your past and rewire your past to change your present because the idea is every moment’s a new moment so what I’ve literally been doing is reconnecting to the inner child part of me when I was 2 years old or 6 years old or 12 years old because there’s different stages of development maybe I’ll make a future video on this but there’s different stages of development where our inner child needed different things and if we didn’t learn those things we’re now trying to learn them in childhood so inner child meditation of connecting to that part of yourself what did what would you say to that part of yourself and what does that version of you want or need from you maybe it’s for you to be present maybe it’s for you to be compassionate understanding and accepting I predict that the more you connect to this inner child part of of you and the more you love this inner child part of yourself and the more you give that version of you validation and approval and support and love and nurturing the less they will look on the outside so there’s an inner child meditation that I have that you can listen to for free it’s in high Vibe tribe my free community it’s one of the most powerful meditations I’ve ever made you energetically go to Kawaii Hawaii using your intention and what you do is you connect to this inner child part of you and heal it from the inside out it’s going to be in high VI tribe under the meditation section it’s completely free I’ll go and click the link uh you can click the link below to watch that and if you want to learn more about this dynamic between how you connect and and more about this inner child healing that I’m talking about at a live event I did recently I talked about this and you can watch an entire video it’s one of my most popular videos as of recently you can watch it right here so empaths people that can feel other people’s energy this is both a superpower and sometimes a curse on the …