Today, we’re joined by renowned guests from the popular podcast “Tonight’s Conversation Podcast” – Ace Metaphor, Kita Rose, …
so do you know what tonight’s conversation is about I think men feel like because they put in that work and because they are they are physically exhausted and tired that we enjoyed it like that we enjoyed it the whole time like whoo I really did it would be like if you painted the whole house if I asked you to paint the whole house green and you picked a different color green that I didn’t necessarily like you still did the job but you didn’t do what I really wanted you to but because you’re tired you feel like I should be really appreciative of all this work but I didn’t like the [ __ ] house you seen me open up the paint you seen me put the first first layer on and you didn’t say [ __ ] so now I did the whole house and then you to and I like disappointed wow so that’s your fault two things could be true at once it could be my fault that I didn’t speak up and I could still have not have had a pleasure pleasurable experience that’s why people be so like shocked when you come back and say it wasn’t good it wasn’t good because what I’m saying I never I never I’m not saying that it isn’t our responsibility to speak up for ourselves and say it I’m saying that a lot of women may feel that their your ego is tied to your and they’re not having a pleas you know what I feel like that this conversation is so much more about being right than being better there’s an easy fix here before you go to Lowe’s ask me what paint color I want just ask me just ask me Ace metaphor Mike and keah from the wildly popular or is it widely popular what is the saying there from the wildly widely popular podcast tonight’s conversation are here on Lovers and Friends to basically do an episode of tonight’s conversation here on Lovers and Friends I’mma take you on a trip baby I don’t pretend I say friends I’m hold hi there Lovers and Friends welcome to Lovers and Friends a podcast about sex love relationships and dating hosted by Yours Truly shampoo Dam in this episode like I said you are getting a taste of what thousands tens of thousands arguably hundreds of thousands definitely Millions who talk about the social but many of you have gotten to experience through the tonight’s comment conversation experience whether that be through on socials through their app through their live shows through the card game um or if you’ve had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with any of the wonderful individuals who are part of this project the way that I have gotten to I got to be a part of one of their live shows and it was such a eye-opening experience for me and also deeply affirming for me in a decision that I made that I want to share with you all now this podcast lovers and friends will be going on an indefinite Hiatus at the end of the year so um at the end of December we’re going to be having our last episode maybe it’ll be for a month maybe it’ll be for a year I’m not really quite sure yet but I would like to share more in depth why I came to this decision with all of you at the end of this episode because most of you who are here on YouTube are probably here because you want to dive into the episode and we’re going to do just that but first can I tell you about this app called Dipsy this is a free service that helps you get in the mood and it teaches you new sexy tricks and is Thoroughly entertaining this is your 30-day all access free trial invitation to get on Dipsy and I want you to picture this okay you’re driving home after a long day and you think it would be nice to have some sexy time later when you get home but if you’re honest after the day that you just had you don’t know how you’re going to get into that kind of head space so you decide to fire up your Dipsy app and drive home listening to the kind of story that you are now totally excited to recreate later Dipsy is an app full of hundreds of short sexy a AIO stories designed by women for women Dipsy has stories for straight and queer listeners 56% are voice acted by people of color and now you can listen to spicy audios from some of your favorite Tik Tok creators plus Dipsy has soothing sleep stories Wellness sessions and sexy stories that you can read and like I said for listeners of Lovers and Friends Dipsy is offering an extended 30-day free trial when you go to Dipsy stories.com lovers that is 30 days of full access for free when you go to d p a stories.com lovers all right now here is tonight’s conversation hey thank you all what a joy we got Ace here what’s up we got K here hi and we got Mike here yes I want to start by asking each of you what your favorite take or clip is from each other oh okay oh oh so he he has a thing against roses um not like the actual flow be the the toy sex toy he feels like it uh robs Real Men of of draws of of opportunity and he said we need the ban roses cuz every time a rose sing a real dude loses his wings or some a real one loses his wings so that’s my favorite clip of Mike because you agree or because it’s ridiculous I do not agree I actually feel like toys in the bedroom is helpful you know what I’m saying like you need sometimes you need a partner in crime and I’m going be honest with you sometimes I ain’t trying to do all the work by it’s tough out here it’s tough you got over here you got a over here you got a stick over there so you got a to and at one time I tried this little vibrating toy so I bought it for my lady because I’m thinking it’s G to help her out right so I’m like you know what I’m saying I’m put it so you put it there and then when you stroking in and out it hit the top of your your your [ __ ] this is a deep so like I almost like so she went to work the next day and I took this [ __ ] out myself and went yeah so there’s this there’s this line of pleasure that we’re going to cross and we’re not and we’re not going to come back I mean exploration is real but the biggest problem they had with Columbus is that he stayed there right you can go exploring but don’t live there because now you got people going in their parking lot at work trying to rub one out with their Ro come people people are struggling with such addic do that because you know you know what I mean I watched a woman’s uh uh dildo Journey go from 4 in and one and uh 3/4 in diameter to 8 and four okay she’s taking she’s taking Subway sandwiches now because nobody told her to relax all right nobody told her to relax you’re allowed to explore relx yes but don’t stay there don’t go deeper that’s your now you’re going to have to put a thumb in your ass when you use the vibrator because it’s not going to work anymore then you’re going to tell say yes please but then when she goes back to 4 Ines now that becomes new again that’s something different well when she goes back to the modern man right just any any walking human that’s not the modern the modern man is 4 inches well I read books and that’s what the books say in them they don’t about six about about five four or five like depending on the weather is the same thing are we adding girth or just come on my name is Mike I’m a poet from Philly um I just you know hold on let me ask you a question do you ladies do you all actually know the actual dick size I feel like CU when people say the size like I like I like one that’s long and or whatever you like um a a contractor that’s been working working at his job for 30 years can kind of eyeball some [ __ ] like oh that’s a half D centimeter nail you can you know one girl at our show says six was small and that was crazy six might be small compared to the men that you’re used to I have a friend who right off the gate lost her virginity with an eight incher and now and she’s only had eight inches for like for the SP well it’s not very it’s not a blessing because when you you fall in love with a 4 iner then what now you feel like you’re being deprived some people and an 8 in though too because it depends on whether or not you like cervical pleasure so that’s a huge part of it too some people prer to Big I don’t prefer it to be a huge deal down there no but it’s also a great point to the difference between length and girth that is yes now girthy you can you never can have too much say the word again girth girth you don’t like the word but yet you use moist moist you use you use moist all the time I like moist moist makes people feel uncomfortable I guess so does g yes yeah I don’t know but you know when it comes to like masturbation as far as being in in a relationship do you think that you could masturbate too much like if your husband had to cuz I my favorite clip it hasn’t came out yet I hope it does my favorite clip of Ace is when he said that he has to masturbate every day um now he’s probably going to edit that out because he swears to God he didn’t say it even though everybody in the room heard him I did not say that I did not say that you there or do you not Mas every no I said I like to have a nut a day right so if I have if I have sex twice that week or three times that week then I the other days I’m off I’m doing my own thing I’m off and and the reason that’s my off day and let me tell you this the reason why I feel that way is because oh this my camera the reason why I feel that way is I love my own time with myself yes it’s not in competition with sex with a woman it’s just a different experience with myself but you know what I have different times with myself like I might do do gardening and then I might go on a walk and then I might go get my nails done but like your only time to be yourself right but think about it like uh 24 hours in a day you probably take three minutes to masturbate five no I’m sorry the way that he explains it the way that he explains this time for his he lights a candle he sets the mood self yeah he does it all I’m thinking two three hours am I right actually what I said was I still watch we were talking about watching porn and I said I don’t like watching porn with the sound on it makes me feel like weird I like getting back to the space where I’m not supposed to be doing this sometimes I go to a closet hi in there yeah so like it’s a quick thing it’s a quick thing but I feel like my self time is equally as important as my time with my my partner the reason why I say that is when you’re spending time with your partner you’re also thinking about pleasing them as well so in the mind of having sex I mean it’s about your pleasure but it’s about giving pleasure as well but when I’m doing it myself all I got to do is think about myself but I guess my question is if you were in a relationship ship hypothetically with somebody you two um where they had to masturbate every single day like you would walk in the room masturbate they would be masturbating you would go into the laundry room they’d be masturbating like would that be an issue or maybe extensive watching of porn okay hold on before we go have you ever caught me masturbating see I’m discreet c c he’s in the closet do you do you just for the record he’s talking to Chenise I mean oh yeah yeah care the folks can’t see you okay but for the record so it’s not like you’re just sitting there and just you go walk I’m just I’m I’m not talking about you specifically but I’m just I’m saying like with this be an issue because I’ve heard a lot of women say that they they find men watching porn and men masturbating like as a form of cheating so I want to know like your guys’ P perspectives on that I think I think me personally I think one I think it robs it robs the pleasure that you would otherwise get from your partner you know if your partner is your only source of personal pleasure especially sexual it it makes you it it it makes you cherish that relationship just that much more right I think I think a lot of people are trying to act like they’re really smarter than what they are so they they they’ve kind of trick themselves into thinking that hey I can do both I can please myself when I want I can overindulge in that and then I’m I’m still going to be sexually available to my partner but let’s say I just finished masturbating 10 minutes ago and my girl comes back and just once a quickie and now it’s not there who gets robbed you know what I mean like and I think I I mean like I’m all for pleasure right like I mean life is hard people got to pay taxes and rents High everything but uh let’s let’s let’s try to focus on another way that’s not as um nasty you know to to find pleasure in your day-to- day can I I think you view masturbation as nasty no it’s it’s it’s it’s not you know I was in the military right um same uh I was on a boat with 300 guys never did that uh going from Florida right and it was it was 300 guys uh I’m 18 years old right and uh at this point in my life I had never masturbated right I made it to 18 um but I Catholic school Christian Church on the weekends so there there was that little shame towards it but now I’m in this room and there’s 40 there’s 40 men in a room three bunks high on bunk beds every night okay and that’s when I started in that’s when I got introduced to the idea that some people are in this thing masturbating people have like magic socks you couldn’t go to sleep cuz 40 SE were jacking the [ __ ] off okay see that’s why you go that’s why you get deeper and ask questions I’m saying the context is so important let me fight you on a point real quick though so like so where you feel like it would be a hindrance uh hindrance the masturbation I feel like it’s helpful like we talked about it the reason why is let’s say we are on a road and for the four or five days I don’t have like I don’t do anything I’m too tired serves a purpose but then you go but here you go back home and now you weak you you ain’t lasting that long you know what I’m saying so I feel like it takes the edge off of me you know what I’m saying we’re going to get back into that debate in a second but first can we talk about our gut and how our sponsor ritual can help you feel more in touch with it now to be clear sometimes your gut tells you to text your ex unfortunately symbiotic plus cannot help you with Clarity on that but if your gut is telling you that it needs a little bit more support ritual has you back they made this threein one clinically studied Prebiotic probiotic and postbiotic to support a balanced gut microbiome now this daily 3in one has two clinically studied probiotic strains it aids in alleviating occasional digestive discomfort and it fortifies the gut barrier all encapsulated in a single minty delayed release capsule that doesn’t require refrigeration making it travel friendly now the specially designed capsule ensures the delivery of beneficial ingredients to the colon promoting optimal gut health so I am traveling to Turks and caos tomorrow to shoot a show and I promise promis myself that I would get into the best shape this year for this particular job which is why I am definitely packing this because I’m not going to let random bloating cover up all the work that I’ve been putting in look we are all friends here and symbotic plus and ritual are here to celebrate not hide your insides it is time to listen to your gut ritual is offering my listeners 30% off during your first month visit ritual.com lovers to start ritual or just add symbiotic plus to your subscription today so I challenge anybody that struggles with any overindulgence in anything to see what their discipline is like you know what I’m saying like see where your see where your seeming retention skills are because a lot of people are struggling with addictions that they claim are just self-pleasure right so if it’s really if it’s really not a necessity if you if if you’re really strong enough I challenge anybody that thinks oh I’m not overindulgent I’m just doing the one I want would say that I can quit whenever I want but can you no I think I think one of the I think you know like I’m you know I’m religious right I’m spiritual the whole thing um and I think that you know across religions they do have this period just for these sorts of things right like regardless of which which Rel okay if we swapped out masturbation with foot rub are we still having the same dialogue foot rub to the point your own if every day getting a foot rub was something that you did for yourself would you tell that person that there’s deviant or there’s any issues that whatsoever no gosh no so why is this particular part of your body why is touching this part of your body a pathway to cuz he couldn’t go to sleep because there was 40 seen jacking off that is traumatic Mike no no no no no no no why why this thing and why I mean obviously outside of it religious beliefs it’s the psychological and social and emotional part to it right um I feel like people discovered that like this thing is only supposed to be used for procreation right we found pleasure in this thing along the way so now we just overindulge in something that just so happen to bring us pleasure and and I think that well are your feet only used for walking or do you use them to get touch or do you use them to put on some really cooles use them for to take to an establishment and spend $240 to paint them okay that’s that’s what I don’t do like I understand selfcare is important but we but are we talking about pedicures now yes we’re talking about pedicures we shifted oh yeah that’s one thing about Mike he shifts quick we going to let you get back to your question I do want to say this though I love my RO romantic partner and I hope that we last a long a long time Lifetime right but here’s the thing the one thing I am sure is gonna always be here with me it might not it might not Poma Poma might not be there though so what I’m saying is it ain’t never left me down so my point is I think that having your own personal relationship with yourself when it comes to expiration of your body is important to me it is now if it gets in the way of you being able to be productive with your spouse I do understand that right so sometimes you need to maybe say let me take a step back but for myself I think it’s at a manageable level what I am saying is ideally I want to have another day but that’s only when I don’t have things to do if I have things to do I have things to do if I’m on a road I’m not doing it like it’s not like something I have to do oh my God I got to do it before a show like I have I don’t I don’t do that so there’s there’s many times during the month where it’s three four five days where I don’t orgasm but if I had the time to if you if you could you would choose to one a day okay it doesn’t happen every single day but if you could you would yes absolutely if I could I’d have a slice of cake every day I want to say the two ways is dangerous is one is if it’s tied as a coping mechanism so if every time that you get nervous you have a desire to masturbate that’s something different however but if it’s a daily practice of just General Wellness there’s nothing else that is going to release DHEA so you look younger for longer it lowers your stress levels it improves your heart health it allows for better cardiovascular function so it can actually lead to decreased heart attacks and if you’re doing it nov because it sounds like you’re having different types of sex with yourself sometimes it’s in the closet sometimes do you do left hand right hand do you switch it up because the problem wild if you’re doing it every day four times at the time can you do left hand too I mean I could do all through Christ who strengthened me but there was a there was a period where I had an injury to my right hand when I was needed when I was in my masturbation phase and I went there I went Lefty I went Lefty and it was a struggle it was a struggle but uh you know the downsides of of masturbation are uh increased disinterest in otherwise interested sexual people can it causes it causes uh sensitivity issues with with the shaft if you don’t moisturize you know or if you overindulge um it can cause vascular is issues uh as far as um you know just pain and Sensations you can even develop uh uh abrasions on your testicles if you if you jack too hard and hit the your sack you no because there’s a good and bad right that’s what I’m saying we ad good but we want to give people the but can I give the Counterpoint that I wanted to make too because that’s actually a very important point if you are having whether it’s the rose or your hand if every single day you’re Mash being the exact same way yes it can lead to problems not just in terms of giving yourself micro tears on your penis and constantly it may be causing pain but also in making sex less pleasurable because the brain is like uh your is not as smart as you’re walking the same path over and over again it’s like okay that path is cleared so you have to switch it up so if you are masturbating with candles you’re doing it right because you’re adding novel swear to she said that [ __ ] listen I’m trying to be on your side I like you keep wiggling away from me no cuz I want to make this obvious before we go to the next question he doesn’t want to be Mr masturbation I just want the internet to know this I didn’t say I masturbate every day can I can I speak to you’re not a double uper like I’mma speak to what you were saying though and I think this the the the stick to landing on my point my point is I think that you can for me it takes the edge off so if you are a person that struggles with coming too fast or over excitement for me I feel like mastbating before helps me last longer right right right and I think that this is a huge hot take the difference between duration and consistency because men think duration like I have to last as long as possible so they take lots of pauses they switch the positions up a ton makes it terrible terrible experience tell more well that we don’t like that um we also don’t like it when you um had already came and then you don’t know that we know so you you you ball the gummy you ball the penis up into a c a a sphere and you push it in there cuz you’re trying to reharden yourself we don’t like that either listen don’t do that [ __ ] don’t pull it out and wait a minute and it just makes the experience it just hurry up and not that’s how I feel I have thought about this quite some time now what about a substitute penis that’s crazy see that’s the SLP the slip can I ask you a question are you saying substitute in the sense of like a dildo or are you saying another party probably a dildo is more more approachable to I’m sorry we’re get to 300 SE eventually but what if for women I I feel this so much because I might really enjoy a position and you might enjoy it too and then you want to pull out and take a break or you want to switch it up because you’re getting close but I don’t so if you had a substitution so you could take that break that you need and then continue with the consistency but see a says he doesn’t have a problem with that right he said that that toys are more more helpful whereas Mike is totally against it because he doesn’t believe in like I’m going just be completely honest with myself I’m getting to a point where I feel like it’s just in the bedro like the ego is not really like it’s not like I mean you can have it but then not at the expense of actually being able to experience the pleasure you want to experience okay and I think getting to the age I am right now it’s just like I’m with whatever makes things the move list for you but our problem this one of us has to come our problem I think a lot of men have reported to me and then when we talk especially in the live shows is that these things aren’t being verbalized and I talked about the communication part and I I don’t want to gloss over that the reason why I say that is I don’t think that men well the men I know are myself speaking for myself would be opposed to certain things or trying certain things but the thing is do you know that that’s what you like um are you comfortable expressing it and do you express it because often times we hear that men aren’t being um given the pleasure that they should in the bedroom but then those men say well she’s not telling me what to do pardon the interruption but also excuse my poor manners Happy Thanksgiving to those in America let me tell yall what I’m thankful for this year family friends and Lumi whole body deodorant why because I’m traveling for work then for pleasure basically from now till the end of the year which means an unpredictable schedule and that extra means I need a Dependable deodorant let me tell you guys Lumi is a deodorant like no other it was created by an OBGYN who discovered Bo isn’t just an underarm thing it’s an all over body thing so she developed a pH optimized deodorant that is clinically proven to block odor everywhere not just on your armpits but your private areas your feet why you do that smell it smell it and wherever else you need support in the best part part no 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communication instruction all these things are important but I feel like the reason why most women don’t and I can speak for myself is because I feel like the male ego is tied to their sexual performance sometimes and so if I’m giving you too much instructions or I’m telling you I don’t like certain things you might feel inadequate it might not make you want to have sex um I mean who who are these who are these men maybe very immature men that’s so dangerous certain things like porno teach you how to porno teach you anything but porn will show you like all the ups of sex right like oh it’s exciting you’re having you’re ejaculating you know you’re coming all this stuff but nobody talks about like the Downs of sex like the insecurity how do you work on like your like body positivity or body confidence when you let’s say you are a man with a small penis well the way that I see it the issue is when you are in love with that small penis man his penis feels a lot bigger you it does but I think it’s during the arguments and during the vulnerable times where you’re like that’s why you got a little dick anyway and then he’s like damn that’s what she’s been feeling the whole time so it kind of erased the fact that you were like it’s beautiful I love it you know your body is amazing I just started complimenting men sounds bad I just no but honestly because I didn’t I didn’t think men needed compliments I just never no man ever said like I need compliments until um like my partner and he was just like listen men like compliments men like to feel sexy too look at that at the smile in his face right now I love it mean because I’ve know I’ve known ke since like what 2015 2016 and um like her partner now it’s like you could tell how they’re like they’re like when I met her she was one and now he’s here and now I’m watching this transition of this black woman and she’s just becoming more of a softer lover and just to see like the progression of it over time to like coexist and conversation it’s like it’s like I’m watching a village being built I’m softer cuz I don’t cuss out a lot but like she’s really calmer to a black man ever since her boyfriend came around and out her doing life gentle ke gentle I hate it I hate it my favorite take of ke is any ke versus Leto of exchange because she’s she’s she’s Pro black woman and she’s not going for the [ __ ] I love it just everything see I see you ke in the spirit of giving men compliments you just got a pretty nice one what’s your favorite take of mics I like when Mike when Mike talks about how you don’t need all the makeup and you don’t need all the outer to feel beautiful or to look beautiful or to be seen and heard Mike definitely makes women feel seen he listens um and so I don’t have a particular clip that I can say this is my favorite of Mike’s but when Mike speaks I I I’m sitting on the stage next to Mike all the time when Mike speaks he definitely lets uh everyone know that he enjoys black women he loves black women he stands by black women and he loves black love even if you know navigating it wasn’t the best I think everybody’s had like not so great experiences with love um but he doesn’t let that taint his view on women and I think that’s important especially with this whole like red pill blue pill thing going on like just to hear a man a black man uplift women I love it can I add to that part when he talks about how women are are yes meaning that you go to art or our Museum to look at the art not to change it or well some on it but yeah but um and it’s it’s one of those things that I I really appreciate when you talk about it because you know if this is something that you want you know put your bid in make a purchase on it but if it’s not you can appreciate it for just being beautiful and you can you can walk to the next piece and I think a lot of men get in their head and they say well just because I feel like this woman is beautiful I gotta have her I have to have sex with her I have you don’t have to do that you can just admire her beauty from afar and walk on to something that’s better suited to you that’s why at 20 at 2023 2024 I don’t respect anybody that doesn’t have the the guts to actually say how they like to run their situations or if we don’t want to run a situation anymore like there was some time ago when men were like okay I might have to suffer in silence because I don’t want to break this Bond of a family but now it’s like yo you’re free to say hey you know what you’re going to be you’re not going to be shamed as a woman anymore if I don’t if I want to leave my husband and do my own thing or if I say hey I think I like women now or you know I mean I don’t want to get uh too deep into it but that my biggest concern is that with this overabundance of optionality especially within how Partnerships are are structured people are going to get decision fatigue I don’t think so I think I think they very opposite yeah you made two points there I felt like you were very Pro the fact that there are so many options and so you have no Grace for people anymore who are lying or living a lie but then there’s too many options well no I mean it’s it’s a gift and a curse it’s like you know education has that power because now there’s different factions you know it was either listen I am I am single or I’m married and then was single married boyfriend now we got single married boyfriends ply you know like but but people are going to people it’s too much information and people are misinformed people are massaged into it without without any proper orientation what do you what do you what do I tell my 13-year-old daughter about dating I can say hey babe you could be with a girl you could be with a guy you could be with a guy and a girl you canot be with nobody you be with everybody you do it all on a Tuesday after after dinner and homework because the truth is none of those Details Matter none of that matters commitment how you commit doesn’t matter who you commit to doesn’t matter what you do sexually doesn’t matter it’s how you feel do you feel safe do you feel empowered do you feel celebrated are you cont are you your boundaries being respected is that person’s boundaries being respected so all those other things that we’re told are the details that matter actually don’t are you in a structure that brings out the best in you and is it possible for the other person to rise to their best because of your union that’s what matters everything else is IR relevant details in my opinion you know that’s that’s you know but to be fair men are pretty cheap you don’t have to do a lot to get the I’m not cheap anymore you used to be I used to be cheap the used to be on sale on a bargain but now was not well no I was community in an impoverished community so I was just serving my Village and the argument can be made you think the dick is easy but it’s just we did our work before you met me so like you throwing it because I’ve already did my work my reputation stands for itself I’ve already put in the work in my life so when you meet me you think you getting it from me easy but I’ve influenced you or I don’t know [ __ ] about your reputation but you’re 6′ three listen pention or that or that ption is is 90% male effort you know anyway like we got to we got to like you’re not giving us you’re not doing us a favor by making us [ __ ] y’all you know what I’m saying it’s 80 like in his in his Pinnacle pleasure it’s it’s it’s really Mo a woman is is damn near seizuring uh I I guess I’m not supposed to say that but like the the the amount of calories burnt I bet you there’s at least a 3 to one ratio in the Troublesome for me because majority of people who can orgasm from penetration need to be on top so if you’re giving 80% effort in seizures you’re doing something very unique hold on M has been magical I should yel it hellofresh is America’s number one meal kit delivery service and what that means is they give you the farm fresh pre- propop ingredients and pictured step-by-step instructions on how you can then turn your ingredients into a gourmet meal for two or four depending on your needs now the pro of the meal kit is that you have control over what you’re eating because you choose from their 45 weekly recipes and you also decide how it is cooked now you guys know I’m not very personally into cooking there’s just other activities that I personally enjoy doing more but just my luck my three-year-old is so I’ve been compromising and doing hellofresh family cooking night three days a week this way they get their family cooking night and I still get to save the time I would spend shopping and prepping plus hellofresh is less expensive than grocery shopping and of course less expensive than takeout lastly I have to tell you guys about hellofresh Market where in the app you can easily add breakfasts quick lunches and snacks all delivered along with your weekly box making it your potential one stop shop for feeding your family and yourself and if that made your ears perk up because you love a good breakfast listen up even closer go to hellofresh.com lover free and use code lovers free for free breakfast for life that means one breakfast item per box while your subscription is active that is free breakfast for life at hellofresh.com lovers free with the code lovers free that Mak sense though on top that makes sense that makes sense so say that again I missed it majority of people who orgasm from penetration women do so because they’re on top and that is because the back and forth motion allows for enough friction for their clitoris so it’s another way of the grinding method gr and then the control the control she just professionally um explained the scoot so so you’re say that 80% of the effort is on the penetrator and that you’re also giving crazy amounts of seizure orgasms that to me doesn’t indicate that you’re on the bottom a lot so the MTH is confusing for me I’m not on the bottom a lot I’m not no you I’ve been rep playing it you know like well women listen from my experience and you got to pay for them they’re not just volunteering to get on top that’s relationship these these new women are different they lazy and they’re more expensive princesses everything talk about get on top you as a woman you ask a woman to get on top she look at you crazy not true because like Shan said she wants to she she knows how to work her body and she knows what to do to to finish so yeah she’s going to get on top is she a new these new women no I don’t know no these new women what are you talking about get on top [ __ ] do work doing sex I think that’s just a woman that wants you to finish hurry up hurry up you know what I mean I don’t want to do another position Lord we already did three hurry up see but we don’t tell have you ever had have you ever had hurry up sex with toxic dick no absolutely so so the you ever had hurry up sex with toxic toxic oh my God like oh my God I don’t want to be here right no that’s the [ __ ] that you excited you lit the candles before he comes over what I mean is relationship sex is is a lot more mid and we we need to relationship sex is beautiful n come on relationship sex is everything I’ve ever you just said you just said that it’s come on just hurry up and finish no I said that if if she doesn’t want to get on top and she doesn’t want to experience other positions it’s because she wants you to hurry up and nothing she want to keep but that’s what I’m saying why do you ever want your if if if relationship sex is way better CU it’s not good with you and her and with I think you’re underestimating the vast number of pillow princesses and so my point is men feel like because they put in that work and because they are they are physically exhausted and tired that we enjoyed it like that we enjoyed it the whole time like w I really did it would be like if you painted the whole house if I asked you to paint the whole house green and you pick a different color green that I didn’t necessarily like you still did the job but you didn’t do what I really wanted you to but because you’re tired you feel like I should be really appreci of all this work I didn’t like the [ __ ] house you seen me open up the paint you seen me put the first first layer on and you didn’t say [ __ ] Yeah so now I did the whole house and then you already went to low and I felt like you be disappointed wow fault I felt like You’ be disappoint it’s my fault but I’m not say you’re it could be our fault two things could be true at once it could be my fault that I didn’t speak up and I could still have not have had a pleasure pleasurable experience and I agree let me tell you why it’s like uh now you’re letting me know or giving me cues non-verbally that I’m doing a good job yes so it now reinforces that okay this position or this effort was good now and then that’s why [ __ ] be so people be so shocked my bad not trying to cuss on yourself that’s why people be so like shocked when you come back and say it wasn’t good it wasn’t good but that’s what I’m saying I never I never I’m not saying that it isn’t our responsibility to speak up for ourselves and say it I’m saying that a lot of women may feel that their your ego is tied to your sex and they’re not having a pleasure you know what I feel like that this conversation is so much more about being right than being better because I think that house analogy was amazing and I want you guys to sit with that that’s an amazing analogy you know my number one podcast episode is the submissive woman episode and that continues to go viral in male communities because men are like this is the woman that I want so when we hear perpetually and we’re told you want to feel like the man you want to feel like you’re in charge you want to feel like you’re in control and then the onus is put back on us to have these hard conversations and start them where she’s just giving you the keys and saying look what you’re doing may be effort in the wrong direction there’s an easy fix here before you go to Lowe’s ask me what paint color I want just ask me just ask me like just ask like let’s go together right yeah like but you might have to invite her into the conversation because it’s just what you said it’s just how you how you even opened it up you seen me open up the paint you seen if you see somebody do all this work a lot of the times you might be like it’s best I just don’t this person already went out their way to do to go open the paint to start the paint to do all this let me just you know and their chest is high right now they’re feeling good about themselves they feel good about it you hear them say oh look how much work I’ve put in look at this I’ve done this and you’re just like okay it’s not too much sweat off your back off the woman’s back like I told you I was in a relationship where I literally looked at other things that he did right and kind of just like ignored the S portion of it it wasn’t the best I think it happens though I mean I can’t speak for all men but I think it happens I think that there are you know sex conversations that happen prior to you getting hot and heavy in the bedroom you know do it could be hey what do you like what you know we we ask those general questions and we get like that we get answers like hey do you like this what’s your favorite position what’s this do you like I’ve never had a man ex except for my current partner asked me that my current partner I’ve never had a man be like what you like they’ve always they they put it down and I either like it or don’t and if I don’t like I usually now now I’m more keen to being like Hey listen I didn’t like that but back in the day when I was like a little younger I would not tell them that I didn’t like it I wouldn’t say I just wouldn’t have sex with him again I’m like now unless we’re in a relationship to to to go further what I was saying though even if you had those conversations you know it is going to be let’s try it let’s let’s have sex and then afterwards it has to be hey hey when you did this I ain’t really like it or when you did this this was amazing do more of that and I think that we both have to have the responsibility for our own pleasure and what I mean by that is here hear what I’m saying I’m saying I have to be responsible for making sure that I verbalize what I like in the bedroom yes because ultimately if I don’t I’m going to be the one displeased to now make that responsibility more heavily on your partner to me is unfair it’s unfair so I’m like if if you’re not having a great experience just verbalize it and then I think if you’re aware of the hurdles and women have to get over in order to have that conversation with you and you already know she wants to have it and you’re the men who are the leaders right cuz you guys are pring this information you are the leaders have you met these women oh my good I just want to know that you’re like listening and nodding and saying yes and then I will pass out this information to the rest I will pass it on to the other dudes that I play pickup with I will tell them hey have you ever tried asking her and encourage her a big part of being on top that women have a problem with you’re on display is very vulnerable so if someone isn’t telling you your breasts are amazing your vagina smells incredible I love to I love looking at you like it’s a very vulnerable position that goes a long way I used to not be to put on your KN when like that so that she can get that Arch that she needs rub the clitoris so like and then tell her don’t worry about me cuz sometimes when we’re on top doing what we like you may not be liking it you don’t you want the up and down you want the up and down we want the back and forth and you say what did you say oh he says it all the time oh he get he gets that mic he says it bends his penis back and forth and it hurts hold it down at the base then hold it down at the base help her out and then you can use your other finger to give some clip action okay right take not some take not I’m going send the clip to you don’t worry we going make it a clip clip this part y’all cowl the best cuz dudes always say that it’s her pleasure that matters until we have the conversation the mechanics then you don’t want to do it no so I guess to piggy back I’m just speaking for myself and men like me I am open to whatever and I’m open to ask convers or have conversations and and say hey what do you like I’m open to that right but then I’m also open to receiving as well right so like you know a lot of times you don’t see the need for improvement because you think in your head things are going well so I think that there are people in this space where you may have had an adjustment two years ago and you’ve been thinking sex has been going well but if you start to realize okay this is not meeting my expectation you can assume the other person is not thinking that you’re having pleasure why and then it’s just about it I want to open it but it is about the part you choose I think you have to choose somebody that’s open to criticism whether it’s in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom because without that then um how can you really real success how you think someone gets open to criticism like are people a friendship a friendship I think it has to start that way like um I think it has to start with being able to talk to each other about things that you’re not not necessarily most pleased with in and out the bedroom and without being accusatory without trying to make that person feel like they [ __ ] and then that person actually making those adjustments or making an effort to those adjustments and if both parties uh does that then now when you’re having conversation doesn’t feel like somebody is trying to attack you it’s just really like we’re trying to fix it you know that they’re not coming from like a malicious place but because we all and you know my biggest thing I’m avoiding like we sometimes avoid issues until it gets so big that now it’s you know I’m say a mountain that you got to deal with instead of just sweeping it while you and that’s how I feel I feel like we don’t have the conversation it turns into this big thing and then it’s just we’re sexually incompatible we’re done and then cuz then if it gets to that point now I’m self-conscious about it yeah instead of it being an adjustment even in the moment like for real for real oh no stay right here like that’s not a big conversation I ain’t have to sit you down at the table for that but like if you don’t tell me that you keep it right there I might flip you again for me I don’t think I don’t think that the Pinnacle sexual uh highlight for me is the orgasm like I’m just grateful to be inside just to you know what I’m saying like so I mean I’m a poet right and I’m spiritual I do I believe all of the stuff that I say I think it comes off I think but but for me it’s like you know I’m listening to this conversation and now we we’ve come to the point where sexual compatibility is a reason now to end a relationship with and it’s just another It’s Just Another Mountain that I’m scared that a lot of people who otherwise could have been together are maybe not now because now uh pleasure has infiltrated uh sexual pleasure has infiltrated this happiness bubble that people like to create for themselves and I think it’s dangerous and then I think I think when you and then I think you I think when you do when you when you couple that right because it’s it’s all about me I I will leave a relationship if I’m not happy I will leave a relationship if it’s not healthy I will leave a relationship with the [ __ ] poor I will leave in relationship XYZ now we’re putting this sexual component on it and which is okay right by itself but now we have this this agenda to you know keep the exploring going now we got fingers and thumbs and you know lithium ions 4D batteries we’ve got Lubes we’ve got anal we got all these things hard is to have this conversation because we’re having this conversation with people who don’t even have sex with each other so there’s nothing to take personal here you guys are very triggered sure well now has there been one that’s a good point has there been one I’ve never thought of that before has there been one conversation is combative anyway I think I think I think from we can I say this can we can we not group uh me and Mike together I’m open to the toys I’m open to you being on top I’m open to criticism you know know the biggest problem with the fit and all uh addiction that people have right now listen listen the biggest problem with fit and all is that a lot lot of the young patients were just kids that were getting all four wisdom teeth pulled and started off with by getting an oxycotton and then because the sensation did not achieve itself off of the one vikin or the two vikin it [ __ ] had to go all the way up to sex to drugs no no no but comparing sex to drugs it is from a from a from a nervous system standpoint they give off the same sort of feeling like once you come off of you know you can’t come you come back down from that mountain without without a pause in between so my my biggest concern is like all right what’s going to happen when now it’s me and I got my whole [ __ ] Captain America utility belt worth of [ __ ] because in order to please my wife who will leave me if I don’t please her I need two strap ons a rose a Lube some candles and I got to take instruction or or my whole marriage is done my kids are going to live with their mom f orgasms then you wonder why in 10 years the sex has gone completely down that there’s no interest at all and I think that’s what I was going to say when you sit up here and you’re like sexual andc compatibly uh compatibility being the reason why people can’t be together is so terrible when you look at a relationship breaking up and I want us to like change one point would be to change how we look at like breakups we we didn’t align that’s okay I’m saying thing all I’m saying is that there was a time when beauty of the sex was the actual permission that a woman would give you to when women didn’t have a voice in the conv no no no no no y’all didn’t even let me finish my sentence the Pinnacle of the sex was just the man’s ability to have sex with you right now it’s come to what the [ __ ] are you dead ass do you believe that that’s how he felt no no that’s how men felt what I’m saying is this is your first time not I’m on the stage of these men every [ __ ] day y not understanding what I’m saying I’m saying for me as a man my Pinnacle was never or orgasm right and I think we’re at an orgasm or bust environment right was your Pinnacle pleasuring the woman my Pinnacle was just the opportunity to be in the position to pleasure a woman I was I was just happy to come over or have her come over right so by the time we got to the actual sex it’s just continuation of that pleasure for the other party where now I think that it’s the conversation is sifted to personal gratification by any means and equipment necessary and I think that’s dangerous because orgasm this orgasm fing Society we’re in is going to turn up the sexual pleasure but turn down the the likelihood of repetitive gratification Mike you’re giving me all lives matter I’m [ __ ] sweating it’s been a long hour bro it’s very exhausting when you are in the position of power and then the group who has less power is now advocating their needs you’re like why can’t we go back to the way things were the orgasm all the days I’ve been on this space for 20 years when I started the orgasm Gap was 3 to one for every one orgasm woman had men had three in partnered sexual situations the orgasm Gap is now two to one that is huge that decrease in disparity has been massive because we’re voicing our needs and you’re like why can’t we just go back the way it was because it sucked for us that’s why I don’t think that Mo these modern women don’t want to do ab andc I think that now that we’re learning what we like we’re more open to say no or I don’t want that position or I don’t like doing these certain things and just because you like it doesn’t mean I have to do is this due to is this due to them being masturbting more or is it more equipment but it’s still penetrated sex like I understand y’all up back up in orgasm or Y doing the self work mentally to just come more let me ask you this question let me ask you this question yes Dad because I think we got to got we got to like differentiate you were just talking about how relationship sex can be born or a m or whatever the case may be it is because it’s redundant and here’s here’s what I’m saying I think that there is a space where you know keeping things exciting I I think there’s a space with um trying new Kinks and Fantasies improving the sex that you do have like when you’re in these casual situations I’m not going to say the communication isn’t um as important but you’re so lust filled and you got that like that new par smell that sometimes you can Overlook the need to actually have these conversations because you’re so fueled by that passion but once you get in these relationships I do think it’s important to continue to have these conversations so you can keep that edge yeah and when we’re not doing that then now you can creep into the relationship sex being mid because fact you know now it’s just the same thing every single day and I will say people who like lots of new partners are not good in bed they’re not imaginative partners that they require a new partner because they only have four acts that they go to and they get BN the same and it’s new for the same for it’s the new to the to the different women yes whereas if you’re a season lover and you have multiple toolkits multiple options different roles that you can sit into different ideas of foreplay I had this beautiful conversation with this woman who talked about for play in terms of why don’t you paint each other like have canvases out where you’re painting each other tell each other naughty stories play games with each other beforehand I think relationship sex can be improved by toys are talking are communicating are being open and honest with each other painting food and orgasms can be improved without Hardware or Mechanicals just a just a better sense of self and I don’t think we going to agree on this I think me and Mike going to agree to disagree no cuz he’s a nasty [ __ ] this guy now let me say is the one thing that’s that’s always amazes me about us is that you have six to eight different people with different perspectives and we all feel equally as passionate about what we feel and I think that’s what makes it special is like yeah I don’t get your toy thing I don’t I don’t get it but I know he’s convicted about it right you know what I’m saying then you have somebody that’s convicted about you know a woman being submissive in a relationship that traditional relationships are the only way for it to work AB absolutely and then I feel differently and so when we can all come together and actually have productive conversations I think you can touch people reach people but at the very least um take people away from their problems for three hours I think you can also right we’re so entertaining uh this is this is the light version okay this wasn’t the tour version but um I also think it teaches people because um maybe you have a a cousin like Mike or maybe you have a boyfriend like Ace right and so you learn how to have these conversations because um I think that’s why a lot of people don’t get along on the line is because we’re wanting to be right you cannot be I cannot tell you what is true in your life your truth is yours so I’m not going to say you’re wrong I’m going to say that that ideology or that behavior is wrong for my life and how I align right and so I think that we we help in ways of you know teaching people that it’s okay to exist coexist with people that don’t agree with you I agree all right so case in point why the podcast is going on Hiatus I in intended to come back and then have this wonderful chat with all of you but the kids came home and then life got busy and I am going away on a two week work trip tomorrow um there jar being the best husband helping out and so all in all for those of you who follow the podcast know I never really took a maternity leave after my second born Zia I took like a week or two off and I was right back at it um and then some people I even see out now are like wow like it almost seems as if you started to work more once you had kids versus less and I’ve just been reflecting on that a lot lately and especially this summer when I went back to Toronto uh I just really saw as my kids are getting older now how much they require me more than ever I think um they’re more alert they’re more aware and something that I been saying a lot is I can’t wait until my kids have kids because I want to be able to drop everything and really be there for them in this time because I know how much parents are in need especially in the early years of kids’ Lives having gone through it and then I started to reflect on the fact of like well why am I waiting for my kids to have kids before I become the kind of present parent or grandparent that I I want to be you know rather than saving for retirement like could I not take some of my savings now and then just take a little maternity leave you know pay myself um cuz that’s a part of being an entrepreneur right like nobody is going to give you a you know living income you have to save that and I have saved it so I don’t know how for how long it’s going to be it might end up being two months and then I figure that oh you know what I can find a system and it’s going to be great and I can come back better and more focused um even having had December because that’s a slower month for work and then you know January February but it also might be a year or five I don’t really know yet I just know that um I do have a desire to be a little bit more slower more intentional with my time to have less on my plate to focus more on my family and then on the kinds of projects and work that I think can be really impactful and moving me towards my ultimate dreams and goals so for example I finished my masters literally tonight uh today was my last day to submit my Capstone paper and I believe in April that I’m going to start on my doctorate my Sid so that will take me five or six years to complete but just getting myself in the right heads space to that even I feel like deserves a little bit of a break so that is why we’re going on an indefinite Hiatus for Lovers and Friends and I want to make one thing clear one this is not a goodbye cuz my ass will be back here next week we are still we have like six seven more episodes left till the end of the year um so please expect that two if I get really cool guests or I have a really amazing idea I might just throw out episodes here and there just without the pressure of of being weekly and three I’m still going to be making content so I think that the consistency of podcasting and the magnitude of how much work it really takes to produce a onehour show and those of you who follow the podcast probably already saw this coming as you started to see uh the production value of the podcast just kind of keep just chipping away little by little if you go back to episode one which I highly suggest that you do and you listen to the episodes now you’re going to see hear and feel a difference so um if I have more capacity to do the kinds of shows that I was a little bit more proud of doing before I definitely will pop back in and make some stuff and in the mean time uh short firm content with just a little bit less pressure um as I take that pressure and I put it on myself to be a more present parent so that’s where it’s at right now yeah I’m like really Melancholy um because I’m leaving my kids also too for this work trip it’s going to be my first time away from rayu for sure for this amount of time and I think Zia as well so um I feel just Melancholy andour in general but on this particular topic I do feel very excited about this decision I do feel very at peace with it and it is something that we’ve been thinking about as a family for a bit so it only makes sense that’s so we’ll talk next week regular podcast from now till January 1st so it is see you next week and then after that it’s just see you a lot but just not as much bye lovers bye friends lovers and friends and Friends I’mma take you on a trip baby I don’t pretend I say ands I’m hold you down down to the end I ands and friends I’m hold you down down to the end [Music] I …