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judy says jonathan what’s your attach what attachment style were you great question so coming back to the book attached by amir levine and rachel header folks i have my default attachment style is an anxious attachment style i have a propensity to get rather needy when i’m with an emotional avoidant let me repeat that i get rather needy when i’m an emotional avoidance so why did this happen to me okay there’s a picture of my mom and dad my mom and dad were married 66 years before my mom passed away and one of the things my mom beautiful woman on so many levels but she was a borderline narcissist in other words i think she must have been a leo even though she was a pisces because the world revolved around her borderline narcissist and what i mean to say there was an element of look at me kind of with my mom at the same time a loving human being who had great empathy and compassion as well but i don’t think she’s ever apologized for anything anyway coming back to my mom my mom whenever there was a fight with my dad a fight with one of my siblings my mother would emotionally abandon us repeat that my mother would emotionally abandon us for approximately 72 hours literally she would stone wallace and if you’re not familiar coming back to the work of harvey or excuse me john gottman and julie gottman ish they talk about the four horsemen of the apocalypse one of which is stonewalling my mother would abandon us children and my father emotionally for 72 hours as a little kid who’s like mom please love me mom please love me mom please love me i was crying literally from the you know my crib basically all the way to my teens wanting to be loved when my mom emotionally abandoned me and so i tended to choose women who would do the same oh my god i just became a magnet for avoidant women i was a magnet for emotionally unavailable women i mean i was just or women who would stonewall and emotionally abandon me well through a lot of work a lot of healing and learning that no matter what i would be okay i had to learn that when my partner would abandon me emotionally i had to learn that i’m gonna be okay even if the relationship ends i’m gonna be okay and by experiencing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again i was finally to recognize that i’m gonna be okay i’m gonna be okay i’m gonna be okay i’m gonna be okay i can thrive i can thrive because i am okay it took me a long time to learn that and now i think i’m much closer to being a secure attachment style i do however believe that most people have a default now i will tell you when i’m with an anxious woman i can become avoidant because if a woman is too listen i’m folks know me no i believe in the two-lane street so when a woman is expecting too much from me or being too needy or being too demanding i pull away it doesn’t mean i abandon the relationship i just pull away now if it’s too incessant and it’s the behavior is very erratic and very uh volatile [ __ ] that [ __ ] i won’t put up with women like that women who have trust issues women who have abandonment issues women who are avoid i don’t put up with that [ __ ] anymore at least i don’t think i do uh we’ll see what happens when i meet my next life partner but from going back to the original question yes i i my default is an anxious attachment style and it took a lot of repetitiveness to learn i’m gonna be okay i’m gonna be okay i’m gonna be okay and it took a lot of this folks it took a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of love a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of self love to get to where i’m at today and folks let me just say this i know a lot of you put me up on a pedestal i’m [ __ ] up i’ve got issues i i have tons of issues i’m aware of them i own them when someone brings it to my attention but believe me have i stuck my foot my mouth with women absolutely do i you know do i make mistakes in the dating process absolutely i’d like to think for the most part i am transparent so and and sadly part of the reason why i’m still single is because most of you are suckling you women are suckling on the need for the rules and homie don’t play that game this homie don’t play that game you know what the the book that if the woman wants to date me then she better read the book if the buddha dated if the buddha did it because this is about learning relationships in a spiritual context and not the [ __ ] men will claim you if you just sit in your feminine energy folks and let me just say this about feminine energy i am all in favor for every woman to be in her empowered sovereign self-loving energy i want you to rock and roll your empowered sovereign self-loving energy i just want you to be careful of the lean back method because when you lean back he’s gonna lean he’ll temporarily chase you and then you’re [ __ ] later on down the road and i don’t mean intercourse i mean you’re jonesing because he disappeared on you because you played the game of leaning back i want everybody to lean into learning healthier ways to date mate related i want everyone to lean into this book before the penis goes in the vagina all right you know me i like to rant so thank you so much for that question i took that in a lot of different ways so thank you so much ah …