dating advice for men
I’m Dr Orion taraban and this is psycax Better Living Through psychology and the topic of today’s short talk is most men blow the first date so as a man it is hard to get a date with a woman you generally either have to approach a number of women in real life or swipe through hundreds of profiles online before finding someone willing to give you a chance both are difficult to do and require different skill sets for Success however just because you’re able to get a date with a woman that doesn’t mean that it’s smooth sailing from there on out all it means is that you’ve passed through the first of many many filters in the funnel and on a date things can go wrong in a multitude of different ways at nearly every moment fun and indeed the fact of the matter is that most men blow the first date and I’m here to tell you why that is the case so you can prevent it from happening in the future okay now when I say that most men blow the first date you have to understand that on some level if you actually succeed in securing it the first date is yours to lose men it is yours to lose and what do I mean by this I mean that if a woman is actually going to block off her calendar put on makeup get dressed up leave her house and go out to see you as opposed to seeing anyone else in the world when she could be sitting at home in her sweatpants watching reality TV it means that her interest level in you at least at the time she made the plan is more than 50 percent so all other things being equal she’s more of a yes than a no if she actually shows up on the date and this means that a lot of guys are snatching defeat from the jaws of success like I said If a woman shows up she’s more than 50 percent interested in you but think about it how could that possibly be the case if you picked her up in real life you probably just had a few minutes of actual interaction and if you met on a dating app it’s possible that you’ve never actually seen each other or spoken to each other in real time if a woman agrees to a date she can’t really be interested in you because she doesn’t really know who you are she has very little information on which to base that decision one way or another she’s not in a position to evaluate who you are as a person or as a potential lover this is something that is really important to understand she’s there on the date not because she’s attracted to you but because she’s attracted to her idea of you basically you presented her with enough raw material to serve as the basis for an attraction that she subsequently elaborated for herself this means that she filled in the sizable gaps in her knowledge base with positive fantasies of what she would like to encounter there and the higher her attraction the more positive the fantasies she elaborates until she’s more or less attracted to the idea of who she wants you to be or hopes you could be okay and that’s why she’s there it’s this fantasy in her mind that motivated her to leave her house and meet up with in many cases a total stranger so you can appreciate that this fantasy is a powerful thing but here’s the thing guys you don’t know what that fantasy is this is really important to appreciate you don’t know what that fantasy is it exists in the covert recesses of her private Consciousness so how do men blow the first date simple they show up on the first date and they try to impress the woman and they generally do this because a little knowledge is a dangerous thing they do this because they watch some YouTube videos about what women want and they learned about hypergamy and they think women are attracted to money status and Power no problem I’ll make sure they know how much money I have how much status I enjoy and how much power I yield basically they just need to know that I’m a high value man and they’ll be begging for it now this is not entirely wrong but in terms of seducing a particular woman it is mostly wrong especially given the fact that men tend to go about demonstrating their value in such inelegant and ham-fisted ways too many men think that bragging about their professional exploits or their lifestyle for an hour or two will get them laid and it won’t it will generally only get them angry now before I go any further if you’re liking what you’re hearing please consider sending this video to someone who might benefit from its message because it’s Word of Mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow you can also hit the super thanks button which those three little dots in the lower right hand corner and tip me in proportion to the value you believe you’ve received from this video your support makes all of this happen so thank you now the question is if the general truths about hypergamy are correct why doesn’t this strategy work it’s simple in the act of trying to impress a woman you will inevitably reveal more and more details about who you actually are and how you actually live and the likelihood that any of those details will actually correspond with the fantasy that any particular woman has in her mind about who she wants you to be or hopes you could be are functionally zero at this stage of the game your actual self has a near zero probability of according with the woman’s private fantasy about who you might be and remember it’s the fantasy that is actually motivating her to be there in order to explore the possibility of some kind of future together men you do not want to disabuse a woman of her fantasy of who you are too quickly and every time you open your mouth you chip away at that fantasy a little bit more with every word that you say most men blow the first date because they spend way too much talking about themselves my God on a first date the woman should ideally be doing the vast majority of the talking as the man all you really need to do is to provide her with interesting emotionally compelling prompts so that she can spend most the time talking about herself and experiencing her own emotions do this and she will not only retain her original Fantasy of you but she will also become even more attracted by associating her felt experience with you and this is something that you have to take the lead on men because if you don’t the date will likely devolve into a job interview where the woman’s going to ask a lot of clothes ended factual questions because she doesn’t really know what she’s doing and walk away feeling that you were a nice guy but she didn’t really feel anything the woman should be talking three to four times as much as you every once in a while she will ask you a question no problem answer it in brief and in another open-ended question right back at her if you do this correctly she’s going to walk away from the encounter feeling heard feeling listened to and having experienced all of these different emotions inside of herself and that’s going to significantly increase the chances that she’ll want to see you again ideally at the end of an hour or two when it’s time to get up to leave she’s going to say wow the time just flew by but I just talked about myself the whole time there’s still so much I don’t know about you and it’s like good because the longer we draw this out the more likely that the woman is going to be willing to stick around once the fantasy she has of you is inevitably shattered but if it’s broken too soon it’s not going to work and let me just say this isn’t about tricking women at least not any more than women’s makeup and fashion is about tricking men women why don’t you show up on a first date in sweatpants without wearing makeup because you don’t want to do anything to disturb the fantasy that the man might have of you too early in the courtship process maybe I don’t know otherwise he’s probably not going to stick around long enough to want to cultivate a relationship with you possibly uh you can show him later once he’s already hooked right so it’s like it works both ways but this episode is about men and men blow the first date by talking too much about themselves in their attempts to impress the woman what do you think does this fit with your own experience let me know in the comments below and if you’ve gotten this far you might as well like this episode And subscribe to this channel you may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation as always thank you for listening …